After I wrote the previous entry, Sam & I began to notice more of those chocolate heart moments from God.  A few examples…We had been planning to spend a day in Coronado Saturday and I had been praying during the previous rainy Sunday that God would give us sunshine.  Lo and behold, we had sunshine on Saturday!

Here is the gorgeous view we had on Saturday!

The ‘chocolate heart’ was most noticeable due to the striking contrast of the weather Sunday morning!

Saturday was so beautiful, wonderful and amazing.  He really gave us such a splendid day to enjoy during our getaway. 

Another example…When we first arrived at the place we were staying, we had to wait an hour before we could check in.  We found these two rocking chairs right outside the patio — as if they were reserved for us.  We sat there, ate strawberries and enjoyed the view.  It was awesome!!

Sunday night at worship service, I thanked God for all those chocolate heart moments He gave us during the weekend.  I was so glad to be noticing His special little gifts to us (how come I stopped noticing all this time?) and prayed that He would continue to help me see Him in everything.  And more importantly, I wanted to offer Him some chocolate hearts — but how and what does that look like?  What can I say or do in order to communicate, “Surprise!  God, I love you!”  I realized that only He could help me know how to best demonstrate my love for Him…

A couple of years ago for Valentine’s day, I bought a bag of Nestle’s chocolate Crunch hearts to give to Sam.  On Vday, I placed a few of them on the table as decoration for our dinner.  Subsequently after that, I would dispense them in random places at random times where I knew he would find it — in the pantry, on his Perspectives binder, in his car, glued to a card, etc.  It made him smile every time he found one. 

This year, I wanted to do a reprise of the “hearts surprise”, so after Vday, I got some Crunch hearts on sale.  Then I put two hearts on his nightstand.  When he came home from work and put his keys and cell phone down, he discovered them.  I heard him murmur a sound of surprise, but when he came out to me, he had a look of confusion.  With a laugh, he said, “Did you find my stash?”  Then it was my turn to return his look with confusion.  Then he stammered an “uh” as he went back into the room and then back out again.  He then revealed to me that he had bought me a bag of Crunch hearts too!!  He was planning to dispense them as surprises just as I had.  So then of course, we just laughed that we had the same idea (and that I had beat him to his brilliant idea). 

It’s been over a month since Valentine’s day, and we are still surprising each other at random times in random places.  If it’s one thing I love about our marriage, it’s that we are always surprising each other with something.  (Sometimes the surprise isn’t necessarily a nice gift — like me hiding behind the door when he comes home and jumping out with a “boo!” heehee.)  It’s not that we buy expensive things and shower each other with diamonds but just that we do little things that don’t cost us a cent (like Sam would sneak out of bed on a Saturday morning to make me hash browns).  We do it because it’s fun to make each other feel loved. 

I think that’s what God is like with us.  He gives us a glorious sunset and answers our petty prayer for a prime parking spot — little things and big things, surprises galore, simply because He so delights in making us feel loved.  The question is how often do I miss it?  and how am I seeking to ‘surprise’ Him with a demonstration of my love?

Perhaps He’d like a chocolate heart… 

When John the Baptist was preaching and preparing the way for the Lord Jesus, he said, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.” (Luke 3:10-11)  In Acts, we see a community of believers who sought to care for one another, “All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.” (Acts 2:44-45)

I’ve always wanted to be a part of a community where there was this kind of free exchange because we ‘had everything in common’.  I mean…wouldn’t it be great to be a part of a community where we could give away our stuff to someone who needed it and and be able to get stuff that we needed?  A couple of Sundays ago, I was introduced to this website called twoshirts.org which exists to promote such a community.  It’s like ebay — except for free.  You can post stuff that you don’t want or need or that you just want to give to someone else, and you can also post stuff that you need.  The trick is to tell your friends and neighbors about it so that you can form your own ‘sub-community’ within the twoshirts community for free and easy exchange.  And at the same time, you may be able to help those who may not be in your circle of friends, but truly have need. 

So please check it out — and offer your ‘second’ shirt.  It seriously is so much fun to GIVE.

So many thoughts whirring in my mind and pressing on my heart…

At church last night, I was touched by P. Jamie’s sermon.  The question posed in the end was about fear.  Is there fear holding me back from serving the Lord?  The answer was a resounding yes.  Fear of failure, fear of faithlessness, fear of burnout.  These seem to be the chains that continue to hold me down — no, strangle me — all of which stem from wounds that just need desperately to be healed.  These are old wounds that keep splitting open again just when I think I’ve been restored to full health again. 

The fear of drowning in the ministry of soul care and not being able to persevere with faithfulness is all mixed up with another deep wound that also seems to be immune to every type of balm.  In the last few years, I have lost a few loved ones to the grave’s insatiable hunger, and though sorrow falls heavy with each passing, none has hit me as hard as the first.  And I wonder if anyone ever recovers fully from a loss such as this?  Can a wound such as this ever heal?  The answer for the whys only responds to my mind but never quite reaches my heart.  And the question that continues to hang over me is whether I will ever have the capacity to love again as I did before that loss.   

The theme song these days truly has been, “Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed …please BE revealed.”

Today we went in for my 18 weeks ultrasound.  Baby was sooooo active, moving and somersaulting all around.  (Perhaps we have a sports star in there!)  Unfortunately, this made it pretty challenging for the technician to get good measurements, so we were there for an hour+.  Baby also liked to move hand to his/her face too.  Maybe baby is carmera shy.  I wonder if any of this will be any indicator on the baby’s personality.  Can’t wait to find out.  

Here’s baby in mid-action.  See the legs up in the air?  So cute!!!

And here’s the little feet. 

Thought of the day:  I can’t believe there’s a little baby inside with a heart beating all on its own.  I saw it and heard it again today — and still amazed every time. 

For some reason, Sam & I love taking care of things.  Maybe it has to do with God’s injunction to Adam & Eve to subdue the earth — or maybe it’s just us, but we love taking care of things.

Since we’ve been married, we’ve been the proud caretakers of two guinea pigs…

Squiggers & Smoothie.  They were fun to have around, but it was time-consuming keeping up with cleaning their little home (which was not so little).  We re-homed them when we started seminary so that they could be with a family who could shower them with a lot of attention.

We’ve also taken in our friends’ pets when they’ve been away on trips…

This is Theo the tortoise.  He was the least challenging to watch — and so fun.

We watched June when she was still a baby bunny.  She was so tiny back then!  …so tiny that she could fit through the cracks in her fence.  I love this picture of her caught in the act of sneaking out!

This is Saffron.  She is basically the “community dog” as most of us have had the chance to watch her as her family is often away on ministry-related trips.  Cute, huh?

But after watching all these animals, I think Sam & I decided that pets are great for us to visit at other people’s houses but more work than we’d care for.  So instead, we’ve turned to a different sort of “living thing”.

Meet Olivia…

Fritz

and Leif Ericson

They have been so refreshing and rewarding to have in our home.  And so easy to take care of!    Next, we are planning to plants herbs…

Re: “chains be broken” and my need for it…

Ephesisans 4:22 tells us to “put off your old self” and “put on the new self”.  My initial question is how?  but as I look at it again, I realize that the exhortation is posed as a decision and choice.  You can choose to put off the old self and put on the new (because of Christ.  Without Christ you would have no power to do so).  But how, really?  The middle part of the verse says “to be made new in the attitude of your minds” – it starts with my mind, doesn’t it.  It’s a decision I must make, and a decision I’ll have to keep on making.  A bit of truth is revealed in that you can’t put on the new self without taking off the old self first.  I’m imagining myself trying to put on some shoes when I already have shoes on my feet or shorts over, on top, of my jeans.  That would make for fashion uglies.  It doesn’t really work. 

V. 28 makes another point – “stop stealing!” Paul tells us, but he doesn’t stop at that.  He also tells us to do something useful with our hands instead.  I’m reminded of the simple truth that you must replace the old with new.  You can’t just tell someone to stop doing something and not give them something to do instead.  The ‘empty’ feeling will surely be a temptation that will lead you back to sin.  It reminds me of when I worked for 1800NoButts and how we’d tell a smoker who was trying to quit to list their usual times for smoking and next to it, an alternative of what they would do instead at that time.  You have to replace the old with new.

Perhaps I have been going around in circles with the same sin-cycles because I have not chosen with undeterred resolution to take off the old self and put on the new self — forgetting the power of choice that Christ has given me.  I simply can’t ‘wear’ both at the same time.  May the image of a double layer of shoes and clothes and its impossible silliness prevent me from continuing on in the ‘old ways’ of darkness. 

Now that I’m not so sick all the time, I have no more excuses as to why I’m not seeking to find satisfaction for the soul connection that I’ve been craving.  No excuses.  The gun has been fired, the race has begun, the pursuit — is for God.  The one who runs hard and fast is the one who will get God.  If I run, I will get Him.  If I don’t, then I won’t.  It’s that simple.  And to get God, now that’s everything.  He’s a prize worth giving everything for.  I want to give it my best and stop at nothing – just for a glimpse, just for a glance of His beautiful face.

Lord, help me to never stop running this race.  Help me not to worry about tomorrow and the hundreds of things I have to do or should do — nor carry the burden of regret over the millions of things I should’ve done already.  Help me instead to just fix my eyes on you – just on you – not what I have to do – just you.

Yesterday, at Coast, we sang a song with the bridge, “Chains be broken, hearts be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed”.  I made those words my prayer.  I desperately need Him to break me from the chains of sin — the things that keep keeping me away from Jesus.  I need for Him to heal my heart also of the hurts in my life that keep causing me to look back in the past and preventing me from moving forward.  I need my eyes to be opened to the reality of God’s reality — His realness — all around me — that He is alive.  I need Christ to reveal Himself to me — oh, to taste the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ!! — desperately, I do, need Him to come.

Fortunately,
“As surely as the sun will rise, You’ll come to us…”

What happened to the good ol’ days where everyone had a blog and would post daily random, insignificant and sometimes quite significant ruminations, realizations and revelations?  Perhaps quick, short Facebook statuses is as good as it’s gonna get from here on out in terms of getting to know what’s on the hearts and minds of our friends — at least via the world wide web.  But while statuses have been somewhat satisfactory in satisfying my craving for connectedness while admittingly addressing my attention deficiency (a product of growing up in this tecnhologically driven generation), the other day, I finally woke up to the reality that the neglect of journaling in my life has resulted in the lack of ruminations and revelations.  Because not only did I stop blogging but I also stopped journaling.  My attention deficiency has therefore resulted in a spiritual deficiency as well.  I’m addicted to the world wide web… but not addicted to God.  Recently, being chained to my sofa (for fear of vomitting) has especially meant a craving for connection to PEOPLE in the rest of the world – and how else does someone in our generation ‘connect’ but through FB, email, blogs, television and the news?  My computer is open to Gmail, Ymail, FB, Xanga, and FoxNews just about all the hours I’m awake.  Yet all this time connected to the web somehow never quite fulfilled my craving for real, soul connection.  How do I find real, soul connection but through God Himself?  How hard can it be to shut off my computer every once in awhile, sit down and journal?  Perhaps my mind keeps fluttering in a million different directions because there’s a million things I just haven’t written down yet.  Perhaps it’s time to start over again.  Journaling in my journal…and one thought (one blog entry) a day.