I have been surprised by how much I love being a mommy.  It is really more wonderful and amazing than I could've ever imagined.  And, try as I might, I just can't find the words to describe the feeling.  But I want to try.

What human experience can compare to this?
A baby, a product of love
  that enlarges with every second of life lived out.
Love Incarnate.
Love that takes a life of its own --
  moves, breathes, cries, talks, giggles and laughs
and knows how to love in return.
A sound dispatched
  that resounds
  and echoes back to me.
Love which grows and stretches
  bigger, stronger, taller, heavier
over time.
A fountain spilling over,
  running down, flowing, overflowing --
A miracle --
  every moment, a miracle,
    bursting forth,
  every second, every moment,
I am awed by her every breath,
  which takes my breath away
and causes me to breathe
  words of praise
to the Creator,
  Designer,
    Miracle-Maker!

I just found this poem I wrote on our honeymoon a few years ago, which I wrote in my Palm Pilot as we were driving around...

trees
ever-stretching before us,
vast and wide, a multitude
unending, surrounding,
around, all around us.

arms
outstretched to heaven
giving praise, pouring out the gratitude that spills from the depths of our souls to
the Maker who brought us together to this place.

rivers
stretching, winding, wrapping around sandpoints, the foot of mountains –
miles of glass, mirrors of, reflections of,
the trees of praise.

25 miles an hour --

a quiet town
sleeps, sits, stands, settles without hurry, whispers
praise to the God of all creation who speaks in magnified magnificence to all who pass through --

Sifting through my old poetry binder, I found this poem I wrote May 28, 1997.  It's a truly amusing poem to me.  It's a terrible poem, and silly, but yet poignant somehow.

"In the heat"

I gave a girl a bottle of water
as she was walking in the heat.
She didn't know what to say, so
she looked down at her feet.
She frowned at me
with upset dismay --
She wanted to throw the bottle away!
She examined the bottle
and saw a crack.
She yelled, "Are you trying to
put poison down my back?"
Appalled, I yanked the bottle back,
because trust was something
she surely lacked;
but surprised I certainly was not,
'cause 'Don't talk to strangers'
was what she was taught.
Scary that the world can't trust.
Caution and wariness is a must.
Tomorrow, I will try again;
perhaps someone will need a friend.

Written by Mary Ann Nguyen
February 3, 2000

Broken printer,
  cannot scroll.
Broken prayers,
  does not flow.

Broken car,
  cannot run.
Broken people,
  not so fun.

So much broken,
  broke my heart.
Pieces scattered,
  frustration starts.

But ---

Broken thoughts,
  impatience breaks.
Broken noise,
  His Word awakes.

Broken skin,
  blood stains through.
Broken body,
  for me and you.

Broken veil,
  now we see.
Broken tomb,
  we are set free.

Broken heart,
  humbled here.
Broken pride,
  His grace is clear.

Broken things,
  so sad it seems.
But broken's needed
  to be redeemed.

holy desperation
inner whispers
longing, yearning
leaning out of need
looking, fixing eyes
never forgetting
awareness supreme
Sovereign Provider
Holy giver of life

I hate it when people die.
It makes me so sick to my stomach.
I want to throw up.
My head throbs.
I feel like I'm suffocating.
The world is half-spinning.
I can hardly breathe sometimes.
Feel so tired from emotions, I just want to sleep.
Sleeping means forgetting briefly
but then I wake up again, and the realization
is like finding out about it all over again for the first time.
And the questions keep surfacing
Why, why, why?

I was journaling one morning about two months after Sam & I started dating, and I was inspired to write this poem.  It's funny because I don't write poems, they just write themselves.  I just happen to be the one holding the pen.  And this one, I'm certain, was inspired by God.  It came true!

taken by surprise (written on Oct 14, 2005)

i had a way of doing things -
i'd read my books and study my Bible
and memorize my verses
and run my mile.

i'd disciple my girls
and love my own lost,
and i'd follow Jesus anywhere (alone)
no matter what the cost.

i was planning for singlehood
for the rest of my life,
never thought i'd change tracks
to be "somebody's" wife.

i had gone to mt. moriah
and offered "marriage" there,
an object that i cherised,
but God said, "you can spare."

the ram that He provided
was "singleness" instead.
"get ready, my darling daughter,
for soon you will be wed!"

what shock and surprise
and utter amazement,
i'm standing in awe
with no abatement.

God took me by surprise -
i'm scrambling to adjust
to receive what He has given
and live a new way of trust.

now i must plan for something different?
now i must change the i's to we's?
now marriage & missions are together?
how in the world can this be?

i'm falling for him,
this man of the Word.
how we fit together -
oh, Lord, You heard!

oh heart's desires
and whispered dreams -
how lofty and ideal
and impossible it seemed.

but You are God Almighty
and Father of all.
Your greatest desire is
to withhold nothing at all!

oh Love supreme,
there's none better but You.
i know it better now
and give my life to worship You!

a poem i wrote on april 20, 2005 :

"so much like me"
   mary ann nguyen
   april 20, 2005

not even real
so surreal
uncannyness
too much sweetness
what to do
with all the "me too"s?
unnerving, at best
will it stand the test
as we go on
less pro's, more con?
i can't resist
he fits my list
as far as i see
so much like me
-- how can it be?
it cannot be.
we haven't met
must need to forget
lay on the altar
trust must not falter
the Lord will show
in this how to grow
to trust Him more
to shut the door
to run for Him
not for my whim
to love Him best
set my heart at rest.
future plans
He's got what's grand.
He won't be late,
and so I wait.

Jesus, beautiful Savior,

Wonderful friend,

Blessed redeemer,

Lover til the end,

Giver of Life,

Sender of Light,

Harbinger of Hope,

Sweet Joy Divine,

totally mine.

I love You,

I worship You,

I give my life to You,

I honor You with everything I am.

Make me worthy of Your love,

a blessing to all people,

an extension of your heart and your hands.

No holding back, no holding back.

Thank you, Jesus,

for being all.

Yours forever,

mary ann

is like

a writer who doesn't write
an artist who doesn't paint
a plane that can't take flight

a car that doesn't drive
a person who doesn't breathe
-- it's almost like not being alive.

not being who you were made to be
not doing what you were called to do
a prisoner who's not set free!

i feel like i've been a dreamer who's been dream-dead... plodding around, accepting things as they are... status-quo, complacent plateau -- yes, all that i dread! 

but death no more,
i'm no longer dream-dead,
i'm alive at last.
on the verge of a miracle instead!