Pregnancy has not been as bad this second time around.  Nausea lasted until 17 weeks this time instead of the end of 6 months, and being a vegetarian (read: meat made me wanna hurl) wasn't as bad during the first trimester with a close friend by my side who *is* a vegetarian.  Second trimester saw me extremely mobile and productive -- unlike the first pregnancy when I was still languishing on the sofa during that time.  And third trimester, although my body has certainly taken the hit (read: exhaustion) has been an excited anticipation of holding my baby boy.  Being diabetic during third trimester once again has not seemed as devastating as the first time.  Perhaps it's easier when you know what to expect (or easier when you expect the worse and get slightly better??).  But on the whole, this hasn't been so bad.  And, good or bad, I am in awe and utterly grateful that we are anticipating a new addition to our family come December.

Yet, still... Gestational Diabetes, how I dislike thee. 

A record of my list of cravings that I cannot have right now:

1.  Chocolate cake (chocolate lava cake sounds so good right now)

2.  Ice cream (take me to the DQ after this!)

3.  Smoothies

4.  Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream chips

5.  French Fries and mashed potatoes

6.  A burger with both buns

7.  Sashimi

8.  Sandwich (w/deli meat)

9.  Banh Mi

10.  Vietnamese food in general (which is mostly carbs)

11.  Noodles (Ramen and Udon and Pho which was already mentioned in 10)

12.  Honey Bunches of Oats

13.  French bread (with butter...mmm...)

14.  Pasta

15.  Pizza

Is the sacrifice worth it?  Yes!!!  A resounding yes.  But can't wait til I can have my chocolate cake in one hand and my baby in the other. 

What do you do when you hear bad news?  News from friends of death, illness, and loss seem to come at regular intervals throughout my week.  In those moments, I feel the sadness and the anger, and I pray for my friends -- but then in the next moment, I have to move on to a task or responsibility that is calling my name.  It's like I bookmark it to come back to it later, and later, it'll pop back into my mind again but still I don't know what to do with it.  And what I've done with it is not what I should've done with it.  It's not that I've cursed the air or God, for that matter, when I've "bookmarked" the heartbreaking event, but in leaving the anguish truly untouched, I have left a wound inside and not given it the exposure it needs to heal.

The Bible teaches us how to process difficult events.  It's those psalms of lament and the imprecatory psalms which cause a little embarrassment and confusion on a regular day but give us guidance for moments such as these.  The psalmists knew how to express their honest feelings of sorrow, doubt, confusion and anger towards God and towards the injustices of this world.  They didn't hold back even their most appalling sentiments of anger (Psalm 137 has a  prime example of sentiments against an enemy, "Happy are those who seize your infants and dash them against the rocks.").  They knew that God could handle their anger and their pain.  More than that, I learn from them one other very important lesson:  They took the time to reflect on their sorrow, and so should I.  No, not just reflect but to feel the sorrow and loss.  In facing it, I make space for God to speak.  I invite him to show up in that moment. 

I love being a parent and I know that these days are numbered.  I will never get this time back.  It reminds me to enjoy and savor every moment... and even make sacrifices to create moments.