January 21, 2007
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Sometimes grief just grips you so badly. Feels like a rush of wind with the weight of the world behind it. Feels like an Amtrak barreling down the track at unstoppable speed. Feels like bricks falling on my lungs. And rivers running from my eyes.
Comments (6)
hey mariann... I hear you. I was at a youth conference last weekend when they started playing a worship song that I remembered Julie playing on her piano at her home one week when I got to stay with her up in NorCal.. and the second the song started, the memory flooded back, with the tears. We miss you, Jules...
You expressed that so beautifully. Don't words help so much sometimes?
Thanks for sharing this MA. I didn't know her, but I find her testimonies so encouraging. I ended up sending one of the last verses she shared to numerous friends via text today. Also, another thing she shared in her final entry totally hit home. Again, it was what I needed to hear as I continue to serve our Lord in the task currently assigned. I too will fall asleep tonight remembering these words and verses she shared...
"but the best thing about God encouraging me to be still and receive from Him is that I'll really learn to KNOW Him. I have these grand ambitions of what I want to do for the next five years, but I've realized that I can come out of that still not knowing Him and boasting of nothing but the accomplishments, and the places I've been. I fell asleep to this verse last night... "
""Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me., that I am the Lord who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 9:23-24"
aww...
it's ok to be sad. it speaks volume of how much you love her and how wonderful your friendship must have been.
a song that your post reminded me of:
Traincar
Words and music by Sandra McCracken and Chris Pelcer c 2006 Same Old Dress Music (ASCAP) and Keyway Music (ASCAP) All Rights Reserved.
summer heat through the porch screen
like time through my lungs
i am overcome, with your memory
there’s a stain on my hands
of gasoline and sand,
and night comes again without asking
like a train car running off the tracks,
you can run behind, but you cannot get it back...
change comes like the splitting of wood
like the plow blade turns the soil on the ground
and the change comes like it should
you gotta die before you live
something’s gotta give for you to find
what comes after
spare change in my pocket
falling from my jeans
you are fading from my dreams
with each sunrise
hot water screaming
over the silence in my house
will someone get me out of this meltdown?
And the change comes like the splitting of the wood,
Like the plow blade turns the soil on the ground
And the change comes like it should
You gotta die before you live,
something’s gotta give for me to find...what comes after
write the words, memorize the frame
it’s so bittersweet, to leave you again
i left houston on a sunday
and i just can’t explain
feels like a drug in my veins
all this changing, all this changing…
hey there. i just checked the site thru your link... which i havent in a while -- and i just started crying like buckets. man, i think this will always be until we reunite again.
let's press on thats how she would want us to do it.
love you
c