September 27, 2005
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No Kissing
The other night I was talking to some old friends. One of them asked what my plans were in regard to kissing. I told her “no kissing (on the mouth) til the wedding day.” She was surprised (more like shocked) and said, “I could never do that.”
Honestly, I don’t know if I can either.
I only know a handful of people who did this. It’s not many, but of those rare few, they say it’s worth it. I mean… whoever really says, “I wish I was more promiscuous in my single days”? Everyone usually wishes they had refrained more.
Yes, it’s gonna be hard. But I think it’s hard both ways. It’s hard not to kiss someone you’re so attracted to – that’s for sure. But the other scenario isn’t much easier. It would be hard to kiss and refrain from doing more (at least, for me it would be). Oh, so very much harder to not want to go to the next thing…
What keeps me steadfast on this as well as other things is wanting, anticipating and being excited about a long list of things that will be firsts and special to ‘marriage only’. I want to reserve a whole lot of stuff for just my husband. I want to save it all for him. I want him to know that he was worth the wait. So the longer my list of “do not” (which Sam & I have called our “Honoring Each Other List”), the longer too my list of “Special for Only When Married List” will be.
I don’t know who I’m gonna marry until I’ve married him. And I don’t want to make my future husband sad or unnecessarily hurt or jealous by what I’ve done in my past. I don’t want to steal from him. So I’d like to keep as pure as possible while I’m not married to him.
How does my boyfriend feel about this? He feels the same way. His desire is to honor me and keep me pure as much as my desire is to honor him and keep him pure. I guess that’s one of the many reasons why I like him so much.
Comments (11)
good call sis : ) (and sam!) now your whole xanga community can hold you accountable : ) woot woot
nice
that’s one of the reasons i’m so into my boyfriend too!
hey are you gonna be around for thanksgiving? i’m gonna be home for a whole week (!!) so it would be sweet to hang out with you guys
stay strong girl
i have the same dream. everything… everything is worth the wait. i’m praying for God to bless the both of you.
I used to think that i’d like to wait till the wedding for my first kiss too, but I’m beginning to rethink that.
For one thing, it seems weird to grow through your entire relationship gradually in terms of emotional and spiritual intimacy, but stop the physical intimacy at like holding hands until the wedding and then go the whole way on your wedding day/night.
I also know of some people who’ve waited till their wedding and weren’t particularily glad they waited…
Just some thoughts, I know you don’t know me and stuff, but this entry really got my attention because I’ve been thinking about this subject lately.
here’s a little song for ya…
KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF (by the Georgia Satellites)
I got a little change in my pocket goin’ jing a ling a ling
Want to call you on the telephone, give you a ring.
But each time I talk I get the same old thing
Always no huggy no kissy ’til I get a wedding ring.
Honey my babe don’t put my love on the shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.
I said baby oh baby why do you keep me this way?
You know I’m still your loverboy, I still feel the same way.
She told me a story ’bout free milk and a cow,
She said no huggy no kissy ’til I get a wedding vow.
Honey my babe don’t put my love on the shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.
Well I wanted her real bad and was about to give in
When she started talkin’ ’bout love, and talkin’ ’bout sin.
I said honey I’ll live with you for the rest of your life,
She said no huggy no kissy ’til you’ve made me your wife
Honey my babe don’t put my love on the shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.
haha! ok, i only know the lyrics to this cause the band played it at church during the sex series
thought you’d at least like to have a little fun with it.
GREAT idea!!! =)
i think it will be worth the wait to kiss. before mary ann and i started officially courting, we decided it best to refrain from getting too emotional and even from touching, b/c we didn’t have that formal commitment yet. (and besides, when i first met her on aug. 12, i was coming from a culture where i NEVER touch females, so it would be just weird to hug someone, especially since she wasn’t my girlfriend at that point.) in one sense, i didn’t have the right to be all huggy and touchy yet. in the same way, i’m not entitled to a kiss yet. but now that we are dating and i have gained the ‘right’ to touch mary ann, i LOVE holding her hand! i love it so much, and it’s very special, and it wouldn’t be that special if we hadn’t saved-up for it. i believe and expect kissing and everything else will be the same way. it’s going to make that later-stuff all the more special.
but besides the ‘argument’ of saving-up-the-kiss-till-wedding-for-my-spouse, there’s the whole issue of remaining above reproach and steering clear of temptation — which is something that guys struggle with (and when the guy leads the relationship, it’s a big burden for him to refrain from going to the next step). when you start kissing, it naturally leads to yearning for next step of physical intimacy. for married couples, that’s great, b/c it’s ok for them to have sex. but for unmarried couples, kissing is just going to make you long for more, and obviously, the end-goal is not appropriate for them yet… so why place yourself willingly in the path of temptation? it’s like giving an alcoholic only one drink. he will crave for more, b/c he can’t help himself… so the best thing for him to do is to abstain completely. it’s one thing to fight temptations that come to you, but it’s another thing to be in the midst of temptation when you could’ve avoided it. i’m not saying that the urges will be absent; i’m just saying that by not-kissing, this is one step closer to remaining above reproach and not going too-far. also, i don’t want to approach this topic as “how far is too far?”, b/c that is the WRONG question (b/c by asking that question, you’re basically saying, “how much can i get away with?”, and i don’t think that is very God-pleasing).
can i ask one question to those of you out there who waited until the wedding day to kiss (ie. sam & trevor, and some others of you out there): Are you glad you waited?
I think its a great idea! Go Sam and M.A.!
Very intriguing post. However, another perspective might be that part of christian maturity and maturity in a relationship – any relationship – is being able to resist temptation, respect the other person, and only do what’s appropriate. If one feels that kissing is not appropriate in a non-marital relationship, that’s one thing – although, do recognize that that is an opinion, and not God’s law. However, if the sole purpose of not kissing is because you don’t want it to lead you into temptation – it’s good to avoid temptation at first, but the long term solution is not to avoid – it is to mature past it. And I believe it’s a mistake to think that temptations of this sort automatically end once a couple gets married. Just my two cents.
good point, NYCOwl, about this being an opinion (or better described up as a ‘conviction’), and that it’s not necessarily for everybody — just like the issue of drinking.
secondly, i believe that this temptation (in the context that we’re talking about) is non-existent for married couples. right now for mary ann and i, we are talking about the temptation of one thing leading to another. so let’s be frank: we’re talking about S-E-X. it is sin to have sex outside of marriage, but it is very God-pleasing within the boundaries of marriage. by not kissing, we are trying to protect ourselves and to make us one-step-further away from crossing that barrier that we don’t want to cross: sex — b/c it’s wrong for us to do while we aren’t married now.
1cor10:13– “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation, will make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” the previous verse is also noteworthy: “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.”
it’s one thing to try to endure temptations as they come our way, but it’s another thing to put yourself one step closer to doing the unthinkable, which is what i believe kissing will do. i think kissing is great, and i long for the day when i can kiss my wife; and believe me, i will do so freely!! but for now, b/c of the fact that we are not married, i want to protect both her and me by keeping us one-step-further away from crossing that barrier. i believe certain precautions could be made to assure this, and not-kissing is one ‘precaution’ that we choose to make. i’m not saying it will be easy… but one thing’s for sure: it will be worth it.
Yes, I agree with NYCOwl that part of Christian maturity is being able to resist temptation and to learn the disicipline of self-control. But in the case of resisting the temptation to have pre-marital sex, I think practicing self-control (being able to “mature past it”) IS to NOT have long make-out sessions. That’s self-control.
the bible never said anything about it. but i think what makes me feel so strongly about it is the thought that i don’t belong to my boyfriend, and he doesn’t belong to me. (that doesn’t happen til marriage) kissing may not seem like a big deal to most, but to me, it just doesn’t seem appropriate to give that away. maybe it’s just me, but just thinking about stuff i’ve done in the past makes me feel really sorry and sad b/c i think it will hurt my future husband (it will make him feel sad that it’s not my first time doing such&such). cuz i know that whatever he’s done too will make me feel sad too. (and it’s not that i don’t understand forgiveness & redemption: 2 cor 5:17, but the truth is, i’m just a girl and that sort of stuff matters in the heart).
and then too i’ve seen far too many of my friends who have been liberal with their kisses… and have ended up going the whole way.
the experience of agonizing with them through the guilt and shame and helping them claim the forgiveness of Christ has been enough for me to know that it’s better to create large boundaries with cushion room for mistakes than to stand as close as possible to the divider.
plus, it’s much more fun to focus on the spiritual and intellectual (and even emotional) on this side of the marriage covenant! =)