Before I was married, whenever I pictured my wedding day, I always pictured myself dancing with my dad – doing a graceful waltz, in fact.  For awhile though I wasn’t sure I’d ever even get married (being called to be a missionary and all, it seemed doubtful that I would find a partner of like calling and like heart), let alone have that special dance with my father.  However, three years ago, I found myself on a little wood dance floor, floating on air with my daddy (and ok, well, tripping a little on my long gown as well).

Here is never-before-seen-footage (courtesy of Mark C.):

I was reminded of this dance this weekend as I watched my cousin dance with her fiance to rehearse for their wedding — and my dad and mom took to the floor and showed us all how it’s really done. 

The Wedding (Part II)
August 12, 2006

Surreal moment:  During the wedding rehearsal on Friday night when I walked down the aisle for the very first time — with Sam (my groom!) standing at the front, waiting for me, it felt like I was just playing make believe.  How could this be real?

Not surprising moment:  The night before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep at all.  I was too excited.  Surprise, surprise.

Hyperventilating moment:  When my mom had finished helping me put on my dress and I stood there fully dressed in my wedding gown with all my beautiful bridesmaids all around – and it suddenly dawned on me that I was getting married in less then twenty minutes.  I must have outbursted at least a dozen times, “I’m getting married today!!”

Unforgettable moment:  When the double doors to the church sanctuary were thrown open and I stood at the end of the aisle — taking in all at once a sanctuary full of smiling faces of those whom I knew and loved, the warm glow of candlelight, the beautiful playing of “For the Beauty of the Earth” by our musicans, and my delighted groom standing in awe at the end of the aisle.  And all at once, all the people faded, the music grew faint and the decorations blurred, and I only saw one thing… Sam Kwok, the man who was going to be my husband.

Scary moment:  When Larry (officiating pastor) said, “If anyone has objections, speak now…” and we heard his wife Brenda’s voice peep up… Before I could think, “Oh my, why didn’t she say something during premarital counseling!”, I heard her full sentence, “Larry, turn on your mic.”  Nice.

Touching moment:  At the beginning of the ceremony, when Larry said, “Who gives this woman away?”  And both my parents stood next to me and said together, “We do.” and then my dad uncovered my veil and gave me a hug and then my mom gave me a hug.  The moment was when, after we hugged, I saw that my mom (who is usually quite unemotional) had tears in her eyes.  Who gives this woman away.  Crazy.

Surprising moment:  At the end of the ceremony when Larry said, “You may kiss…” and Sam bent down to kiss me on the lips — the surprise was not that he kissed me, but the surprise was how it felt!  For some reason, I hadn’t expected it to feel differently than a kiss on the cheek!  … 

Crowning moment:  Saying our vows.  I loved that I could make these vows of complete love and devotion to Sam “for as long as we both shall live” and that he could make his vows to be a “faithful and loving husband” to me ”for as long as we both shall live” without any underlying doubts, anxiety or fears.  And what made it best was that the day before our wedding, I had read Psalm 50:14-15, “Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the days of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”  God’s message — make your (marital) vows to Him and spend the rest of your life fulfilling them (to Him and to each other)…and you (both) can call on Him at any time, and He will deliver you.  Simply put:  We were not simply making the vows to each other and required to attempt with all our might to keep them.  Instead, we were making these weighty promises and vows to God Most High (to God!  think of how imperative it is for us to keep them!), and He will be the one who will help us to keep them. 

The reception was fantastic.  I was awed and amazed by how lovely the decor was — my sister and good friends (Joy and Jane Pearl) and a bunch of others helped put it all together.  I had tossed out the idea of having some “story boards” of how God had brought Sam & I together, and without my knowing it, my sister got it done (I was so touched, it brought tears to my eyes).  Our good friend Lauren made our slideshow for us, and it turned out so amazing — how she got our life journeys into 8 beautiful minutes, I have no idea.  It took my breath away.  Our emcee Kuangkai was a gift from God — he made the evening fun and interesting… and we felt so appreciative of all the time he had put into the ‘trivia’ for the kissing initiatives.  Our DJs Brian and Amy came up with some stellar music — it seemed like they were professional DJs — and everyone seemed to have a great time on the dance floor.  And all of our guests — were such a fun and lively crowd… I loved each and every person who was there, was so honored and privileged that they would take the time to celebrate with us and wish that I had more time to talk to each one – especially those I hadn’t seen in a long time, those I hadn’t met before and those who flew in from afar…

But, we hoped that we had communicated a special message to each one before the end of the evening.  Early on after we had gotten engaged, God exhorted us to “welcome the crowds” to our wedding in order to “proclaim His kingdom” (Luke 9:10-17).  Though we did not have the finances to invite the crowds, God said that He did and He would make provision.  Our job was to welcome and proclaim.  There was a part in the reception program that may have slipped by unnoticed – but it was very intentional on our parts – we stood in front of our friends and family and gave testimony to what God had done in our lives and who He is to us.  He brought us together, He adopted us, He changed our lives completely…

And when it was all said and done, we are amazed by what God put together for us.  For as much as we had planned our day, it was actually God who weaved His story and proclaimed His glory on that day.  And we could see it!  We saw His glory on our wedding day — we were encouraged – and we are so thankful for every bit of what He shared with all of us.

thanks for celebrating with us.  p.s. if you took pictures with us at our wedding, could you send them to us?  :)

Here are the professional pictures taken of our wedding.  Check them out.  They’re beautiful!

Wedding Vows

Wedding vows are interesting.  They challenge you to think beyond starry-eyed gazes of the present and into a realistic future of real life – all the way up until the releasing of each other into forever.

I love the strong contrasts that are presented.  I’ve written my own vows here which I made to Sam on August 12th:

“I, Mary Ann, take you, Sam, to be my husband –
to live together after God’s ordinance –
in the holy estate of matrimony. 
I will love you, comfort you, honor and keep you…

in sickness and in health
in poverty or wealth
for better or for worse
full of cheer or full of terse
through all of life’s ups and downs
joyful smiles and sorrowful frowns
through thick and thin 
goodness and sins
others’ approving yeses and persecuting nopes
realized dreams and dashed hopes
in the heat of the desert or in the tropical rain
when teeth are lost, hair is grayed and weight is gained
sleeping on soft mattresses or dirt-packed floors
getting everything we want or getting nothing more
when our youth has passed and we’ve gone old
when there’s nothing left but a hand to hold –

I’ll cherish you
I’ll be devoted to you
the deepest parts of me
will be my gift to thee
I’ll forsake all others
look at no other brothers

and keep myself only unto you for as long as we both shall live.”

—The wedding was so absolutely everything I would’ve wanted.  God made it so magnificent!!  — And now…off to the honeymoon!!

My Wedding Day (Part 1)

I woke up this morning and realized that actually today is my wedding day.  Tonight, we are having the Vietnamese wedding ceremony.  And though it’s been on my schedule this whole time, it just never really occurred to me what it would really mean to don on the traditional “ao dai” which only means one thing — wedding, marriage, ceremony, celebration, the ushering in of something joyous and new — the beginning of new life, a new chapter, a new family, a new history.  Someone is wearing the red ao dai today, and this time it’s not going to be my aunts or some other woman, it’s going to be me.  Someone’s pouring wine and someone’s accepting red envelopes and jewelry, and that someone is me.  No watching from the outside – this time, it’s going to be me…

Father, thank you for this day you created, this day you knew about from before time began.  I want to stand and worship you.

wedding planning angst

i keep wavering between insisting on elements for the wedding based on some ideal “wedding-of-my-dreams” that i unknowingly developed over the years to having the most bare-minimum cut-out-all-the-nonessentials and stick-to-what’s-practical wedding.  like today i decidedly put back a box of silk petals for the aisle runner after i asked myself, “is it really worth it to spend this money on these petals?  do i need a trail of flowers to line my path?  is this *really* important to me?”  but then i, for some reason, wanted to insist that my dad have a sharp black suit to walk me down the aisle.  black and not dark gray.  i’ve tossed out the idea of party favors (who needs another bag of mints or magnet of us on their fridge (wait til we go overseas for the latter)) — but i am insisting that sam & i learn at least the box-step for our first dance rather than swaying back and forth like junior highers.  i can almost hear him groaning inwardly sometimes when i insist on certain things my way.  and then sometimes when i’m met with resistance, i want to give it all up completely.  at first it’s just pouty resignation, “oh well, i guess it doesn’t really matter.  none of it matters anyway.”  and then it’s perspective, “oh yeah, it’s not life or death.”  and i realize that i’ve somehow fallen back into insisting on having the wedding-of-my-dreams.  but what’s really important anyway?  what’s really important?  i know i need to keep asking that question.

sometimes it’s a matter of tradition (wearing a beautiful white dress).  it’s a matter of symbolism (having the veil over my face).  it’s a matter of something i’ve always dreamed of (having a first dance in perfect harmony and romance – like fred astaire). 

sometimes it’s a matter of materialism (a limo, decadent flowers, candles all aglow, formal attire).  and it’s a battle between the world’s opinion of what weddings ought to be and God’s.  it’s a battle between putting myself & sam on display and putting our God on display.  what will it be?  what’s really important?  what’s really important?

and i hope hope hope that the answer will always be Jesus.  [so cut out the nonessentials, mary ann, and keep focused!]

A Hymn of Grateful Praise

In about a month, I am walking down the aisle — not as a bridesmaid yet again — but as a bride.  I’m walking down the aisle in the church I grew up in.  Maybe it’s not the most breathtaking venue for a wedding — it’s not cathedral-like and seeminly lacks grandeur — but I have seen Him in this sanctuary and beheld His power and His glory (Psalm 63).  I made a public proclamation to folllow Jesus in this sanctuary – baptized under water.  And over the years, I have shared testimony after testimony of God’s glory in my life from the platform of this sanctuary.  And so it would be fitting for me to make a public proclamation of my covenant with God and with Sam in this same sanctuary.

I’m walking down the aisle to a lovely hymn which is a perfect expression of my heart.  It goes like this:

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the beauty of each hour,
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon, and stars of light.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For Thyself, best gift divine,
To our race so freely given;
For that great, great love of Thine,
Peace on earth and joy in heaven.

The earth that God created is so beautiful to me.  The love that He has given us – is so beautiful to me.  Love toward us and love for each other.  And so I just want to lift to Him this hymn of grateful praise as I walk down the aisle.