purity

  • wedding gifts

    On our wedding night, we exchanged wedding gifts to each other.  Our criteria was 1. something practical, 2. something sentimental, and 3. something keepsake-worthy.  Without having disclosed anything to each other prior to our wedding night, we actually ended up giving the same sort of "sentimental" gift.

    It was a few weeks before the wedding when I made a mad search through all my old journals.  I was looking for an old letter that I had written many, many years ago to my "future husband."  It was then, in 1997, that I had for the first time in my life really understood what it meant to put my life into the hands of the sovereignty of God.  At that point, I had only recently entered the Kingdom of God and only recently decided that I needed to give God my all or nothing at all.  There was no room for lukewarm, wishy-washy, sitting on the fence religion.  The idea of 'relationship' and 'romance' was a sensitive area for me.  In the world, I had learned only one thing -- flirt like mad, dress to impress (i.e. seduce & attract), be bold and initiate because men like aggressive women, and you will get the guy.  But God was telling me something different.  Don't flirt, don't seduce, don't live to please men, don't manipulate.  Pursue His Kingdom and He will do the matchmaking.  I was aghast.  Are you kidding me?  You expect me to do nothing?  But don't I need to flirt a little and show that I am interested?  God said no and asked me if I really trusted and believed in His sovereignty and His ability to take care of me.  The answer of course was yes.

    So I wrote a letter.  To my future husband -- "I have fully committed myself to putting my desire of marriage (for you!) on the altar of God's will.  I will wait for a "man of God" who is from God.  The act of surrendering myself like this - to no longer take the initiative - is so scary....but God has fully convinced me that there are godly men out there who will seek God's will and God's lead.  And I guess that must be you!  I am now willing to be ever-so patient to wait for you and our life-long gentle happiness."

    I can't tell you how many times I took that letter out and reread it and how many times that letter diverted me from foolishness and directed me toward more godly choices.  It was a promise I made and a promise I was able to keep -- and it was so wonderful that on our wedding night, I was at last able to give it to the one I had written to ages ago -- the "future" of the past reached into the present.  He was the one I was waiting for all these years!!  I can't tell you how amazing and how special it was to be able to give my new husband that letter.

    On our wedding night, Sam handed me a special box.  When I opened it, I found a small scroll with a gold band around it.  When I unraveled the scroll, I found the words "True Love Waits" at the top with a cute signature of Sam's from ages past at the bottom.  1994, it said.  1994.  He had made a promise to wait for me years and years ago, long before he even knew me, and he had kept it.  He waited and saved and was now choosing to give himself to me.  The enormity of his promise and its ultimate fulfillment hit me all at once.  He didn't give himself to anybody else.  He waited just for me.  Just for me.  Just for me.  Words cannot describe how incredible a gift that was to me... 

    Ineffable.  Completely indescribable.  And yet, I wrote this entry because I wanted to share the reality of how awesome (and worth it) it is to save yourself for that one special person that you will commit to for the rest of your life... 

  • Sex, purity and God

    That happened to be the topic at the AACF I visited on Friday night as well as today at MPPC.  Pastor Doug today mentioned a student movement called True Love Waits.  Students can make pledges that they will wait til they get married before having sex.  He mentioned that since the movement started, about 2 million students have made the pledge - but that only 12% have kept it.  What?  That means 88% have lost to the temptation.  Yikes!  What a saddening statistic.  I'm amazed and thankful that I have been able to keep my promise...

    But wait.  Did I make the commitment?  I've always thought I did.  But during service today, it hit me that when we were doing the True Love Waits commitment at our Christian club when I was in high school, I did not make the commitment.  I didn't want to.  (gasp)  I thought it sounded like a "nice" idea, but to wait that long... hrmm.....

    I was not a Christian at that time.  I had started going to the Christian club my junior year in high school for fun.  And giving up sex til marriage did not sound like fun.  But what I didn't realize back then was saving sex just for marriage is where the fun is at.   

    I probably would've laughed at myself if I had known that there would be a day that I would be so gung-ho about purity.  But I am today.  There is so much more freedom to being passionate about purity than there was to being enslaved to sex and the idea of sex.  These days I spontaneously pray, "Lord, please keep me pure."  The more I have been able to embrace the freedom in Christ in the area of purity, the more I want to be more pure.  I can't believe how amazing and wonderful and thrilling it is to be pure... 

  • ATM Strategy

    ML:  Making out is not a part of my ATM Strategy. (i.e. we don't do that)
    Me:  ATM Strategy?  What's that?
    ML:  Abstinence Til Marriage.
    Me: Oh.  (hrm... I don't even have one.)

    Since that conversation, I decided to come up with one -- which I guess seems sorta strangely nonconsequential since I'm not dating anyone, but at the same thing, I think there are certain patterns and habits I can set now to promote ATM.  Here's what I've come up with so far:

    1.  Avoid watching sex scenes on movies and makeout scenes on TV.
         Strategy:    Have a book on hand to refer to in order to
                          distract myself when the scene comes on --
                          or go to the bathroom.
    2.  Don't read romance novels.
    3.  Avoid being in a bedroom with a guy alone.
         If this happens...
            Strategy:  
                  a)  don't close the door
                  b)  don't sit down
                  c)  try to leave the room ASAP without seeming rude or abrupt

    Posting this means that I will now be held accountable to these things by ALL of you out there!  :)

    Do you have an ATM Strategy?

  • "Ecstasy"

    My reflections of this morning...

    I'm a virgin
    and I'm unwed.
    No one else has shared my bed.

    I've been spared
    of the kind of pain
    of a man who "loves" me in a way that's feigned.

    No regrets
    no guilt or shame.
    My innocence is still the same.

    I've saved myself
    for a commitment "for life"
    to the man who takes me as his wife.

    I'll be a gift
    with a wedding ring
    to the one who has offered his everything.

    What freedom then
    and reason to rejoice
    that I'm giving myself to God's own choice.

    No baggage there,
    just ecstasy,
    as (for the first time) I give all of me.

    I'm a virgin
    and I'm not "late."
    I'm simply choosing just to wait.

    Mary Ann Nguyen

  • Passion for Purity

    I am very passionate about pursuing purity.  I think it's because for the first time in my life, I really feel pure.  Not because I don't have any impurities, but because for the first time, I feel like someone that God has cleansed and made whole. 

    I have not always been passionate about purity.  In my nonChristian days, I indulged in what was impure.  I did not fight for purity at all.  I just let whatever happen, happen (TV shows and movies and books...).  Not only did I not stop it from entering my mind, I also sought it out.  I wanted to indulge my flesh.  How perfectly hollow, empty, meaningless and dissatisfying!  Sexual impurity is bondage.  It suffocates, kills, destroys and crushes.

    But God has set me free.  I fight for purity because purity means freedom.  There's a deep breath of fresh air that I can breathe.  Purity is deep, down intoxicating sweetness.  The less I fill my eyes and mind with thoughts and images about sex, the less I steal away from the beauty of it when I experience it in marriage.  The shorter my "not a big deal" list is, the longer my "very special only when married" list is going to be.  I'm fighting for purity because I want it to be exactly as beautiful and wonderful as God intended it to be when He first created sex.

    So I'm going to keep avoiding those certain movies and TV shows and conversations... and everything else.