Before I became a parent and before I was introduced to Dr. Harvey Karp, I always wondered what receiving blankets were for.  Granted, I had vague notions of swaddling babies, starting from when my cousin (who is now 20) was born, but I never knew the wonders of receiving blankets until I became a parent.  Tonight, Sam and I were trying to figure out how we can fix something, and then I came up with the bright idea of using the receiving blanket for it.  In response, he said, "The receiving blanket is the answer to everything."  I laughed in agreement.  We then proceeded to list all the things we've used the receiving blankets for:

1.  swaddling baby for sleeping
2.  as a light blanket during the day
3.  to shield baby from sun when in the stroller
4.  to shield baby from wind when in the stroller
5.  as a 'mat' for tummy time
6.  rolled up as a pillow for baby's head
7.  rolled up to block the baby from rolling over
8.  to cover me when I'm nursing
9.  to cover the car window while I'm nursing
10.  to cover baby's toys that we don't want baby to play with
       (what she doesn't see doesn't exist at her current stage)
11.  to wipe up drool
12.  to wipe up spit-up
13.  to wipe up tears
14.  to wipe up sweat (from crying so much)
and lastly but best of all...
15.  to soak up diaper explosions (read:  watery poop in projectile motion during first mos) 

Receiving Blankets have been life saviors in our household... 

I took a nap today and woke up feeling even more tired than when I went to sleep.  My body just aches with exhaustion, feels like a Salvador Dali clock sort of dripping, drooping, melting, wilting.  These last few months have felt like I've been running a relay with myself.  It feels like I'm running and running and passing the baton to myself.  And as long as I keep a steady pace, I actually don't feel the brunt of my exhaustion, but sometimes, it hits me hard and I am suddenly aware of what my body has been going through.  That was today and yesterday and the day before that.  When it happens, I'll fall into a deep sleep for a few hours and won't even hear the baby's crying (until it gets really loud).  And strangely, it's at these times that I find out that the more I sleep, the more I realize how much sleep I need.  Too bad the race is still going on, and I need to keep pushing forward.

Tonight, as I was putting my baby down in her crib, I looked at her peaceful, sweet, little face and felt my heart soar.  She gives my heart wings.  I tell you, this race is so worth running.

I have been surprised by how much I love being a mommy.  It is really more wonderful and amazing than I could've ever imagined.  And, try as I might, I just can't find the words to describe the feeling.  But I want to try.

What human experience can compare to this?
A baby, a product of love
  that enlarges with every second of life lived out.
Love Incarnate.
Love that takes a life of its own --
  moves, breathes, cries, talks, giggles and laughs
and knows how to love in return.
A sound dispatched
  that resounds
  and echoes back to me.
Love which grows and stretches
  bigger, stronger, taller, heavier
over time.
A fountain spilling over,
  running down, flowing, overflowing --
A miracle --
  every moment, a miracle,
    bursting forth,
  every second, every moment,
I am awed by her every breath,
  which takes my breath away
and causes me to breathe
  words of praise
to the Creator,
  Designer,
    Miracle-Maker!

Growing up, I rebelled at any attempt by my parents to live vicariously through me.  Haven't we all?  Recently, though, I found myself doing this unthinkable. 

I started to observe this phenomenon around Christmastime when we were frequenting stores.  At Target, I saw a Cabbage Patch doll, and I wanted to get it for my baby girl.  At Costco, I saw a miniature kitchen, and I wanted to get it for her.  At Ross, I saw a tea party set, and I wanted to get that for her too.  There were all kinds of toys, stuffed animals and books that I wanted to get her.  I had to stop myself.  What was the deal with pushing gender stereotypes with my daughter?  She may not end up liking dolls or care to have a tea party at all!  As I thought about it, I knew that I would love it if she was well-balanced --loved sports, played with balls, enjoyed building things, putting things together, creating things, etc.  I rebel at the thought of making her into a little princess.  So it wasn't about gender stereotyping; it was about my wanting to live vicariously through her. I want to get her all the things I wanted when I was little but didn't get.  I want to lavish her with these playthings that I had wanted so badly.  I want to do it simply because I want her to have fun and be happy. 

This gave me great perspective about parents wanting to live vicariously through their children.  Ultimately, they just want the best for their kids.  They want to give good gifts to their children.  Just like God.  That was something Jesus said, "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"  Of course, it's not exactly the same thing, because I'm still "evil", so my good intentions could quickly turn to bad...  so the bottom line is that as I seek to give good gifts, I need to filter out any vicarious living that I'm doing as well.  Please keep me in check.

My cousin asked me to make a list of the things I found to be the most useful to us, knowing that Sam & I do a lot of research before we make a purchase.  So here's my list of things that were most useful to me for the first 3 months -- plus some other things for when baby's older.  [The links below are to the actual item that we own.]  These are not, by any means, a 'must-have' list for all parents, since all parents and babies are different.

Baby Gear

Graco Snugride Car Seat
List price:  $89.99-159.99
We got it for $40 from Craigslist.  [Ok, they say that you're not supposed to buy used car seats, but we looked into reasons not to -- 1. not up to date on current standards and 2. if a car seat has been in an accident, you should not re-use it.  When we went to purchase the car seat, we made sure that the car seat was purchased within the last year, was up to standard (had the EPS foam, which was the latest in car seat technology), had never been in an accident and that the sellers appeared to be honest.] 
We chose the Graco car seat because it tested really well for a reasonable price, and we wanted to be able to use the Snugrider with it.  It was also one of the few companies that had EPS foam (what's used for bike helmets), which would be extra protective in case of an impact.    

Graco Snugrider Infant Car Seat Stroller Frame (Baby Trend calls it Snap-n-Go)
List price:  $56.50
We got it for $30 from Craigslist.
This is the best invention ever.  Instead of transferring the infant car seat onto a bulky stroller (as you would if you got a whole travel system), you can put your baby's car seat on a light-weight frame.  Most new parents are drawn to getting a whole 'travel system' because the idea of a 2-in-1 seems so economical, but what most people don't think about is how you end up having to pull the heavy stroller out of your trunk every time, even though you're not using the stroller portion of it.  Then when your baby is old enough to be in the stroller, you end up buying a lightweight stroller anyway.  Why do that to yourself?  Get a Snugrider or Snap-N-Go + Car Seat for the first few months and then buy a lightweight stroller later.  It ends up costing more or less the same.

Primo EuroBath tub
List price:  $21.87
We got it for list price.
This bathtub is awesome.  It works for an infant... and then when baby gets older, you can turn it around and use the other side. 

Baby Trend Diaper Champ
List price:  $34.99
We got it for $0 -- we are borrowing it from the Decks.
Diaper trash cans are really useful, since diapers can get pretty stinky.  (We didn't have one of these when we had our foster baby.)  The Diaper Champ is better than the Diaper Genie because you don't need to buy any special bags for it (unlike the Genie).  You can use grocery store bags for it; this eliminates an extra cost.

Sienna diaper Backpack by California Innovations
List price:  $44.99
We got it for $40 (with coupon).
Diaper bags tend to get stuffed with a lot of things (diapers, wipes, change of clothes, etc), so we wanted to get a backpack.  We thought it would be easier on our backs, plus, it could be something that Sam could carry.  This backpack is really awesome.  There are so many pockets.

Kiddopotamus Swaddleme blankets
List price:  $10.99 and up
We got it for $14.99 (boo, now it's cheaper!)
Our baby can't sleep without being swaddled.  However, she very quickly learned how to break out of the swaddles that we made out of the receiving blankets (as taught us by Dr. Harvey Karp), so we had to start using the Swaddleme blankets, which stay wrapped because of the velcro.  This is such a great invention.

Graco Pack 'N' Play
List price:  $79.99 and up
We got it for $0 -- passed down to us from the Chins=>Tais=>Decks=>us
We set up the pack-n-play in our room for the first few weeks when we wanted our baby in our room and used the bassinet portion of it.  (She sleeps in her crib now.)  It's still set up in our room so that we can put her in it occasionally.  It'll also be useful later as a safe place to play in when she's older as well.  We bring it to grandma's house so she can nap in it.

Crib
List price:  $$$!
We got it for $0.
I didn't research cribs because we got ours from my sister, but I thought it was worth mentioning because no baby list would be complete without it.

Changing Table Dresser
List price:  $$
We got it for $30 from Craigslist.
A changing table is nice to have.  You can use a bed, sofa or whatever to change your baby, so this is not 'essential', but it's certainly useful to have a place for it (with a waterproof pad) and diapers and wipes handy. 

Symphony In-Motion Mobile (can search under Tiny Love)
List price:  $39.99
We got it for $10 from Craigslist
Our baby loves this thing!  It amazes me how much she laughs and coos with so much delight.  I was first introduced to this by my sister, as I saw how well my nephew responded to it.  It plays Mozart, Beethoven and Bach, has moving parts and has high contrasting colors (which is important because infants are drawn to black&white and things with a lot of contrast)  Our baby started being really interested in mobiles at 2.5 months.  In the beginning, she was pretty happy with the mobile in a stationary state.  In fact, I think if we had turned it on, it would've been overstimulating for her.  Now at past 3 mos, the music and movement are perfect for her.

Graco Swing
List price:  $34.98
We got it for $0 -- handed down from my aunt.
I wouldn't say this is a 'must-have' purchase, but if you can get it for free or inexpensively, then do it!  It's nice to have a place to put the baby, where she can observe the world around her and you can get something done at the same time.

Fisher Price Rocker & Bouncer
Rocker List price: $37.77  Bouncer List price:  $45.00
We got it for $0 -- we're borrowing the Rocker from the Slapes and got the Bouncer from my sister's friend. 
We have the Rocker at our house and the Bouncer at my parent's house.  Both have been useful for putting the baby down in, so that she can observe the world.  She also appreciates interaction with us from there.  Sometimes she just doesn't want to be held. 

Gym Playmat (We have this one, but any are good)
List price:  $40 and up
We got it for $0 -- a friend gave it to us as a gift
The great thing about the mat that is different from mobiles is that her little friends are closer to her, so she can see them better and also touch them.  This is not essential but nice to have.

Breastfeeding Stuff

My Brest Friend
List price: $39.99
We got it for $0 -- We got it from the Nguyens.
I used this a lot in the beginning when I was still adjusting to breastfeeding.  I liked it because it fits around me nicely, has a lumbar for the back and a little bump for her head to rest on.  I chose this over the boppy pillow because it can snap on and you can basically wear it.  However, it's only really good with the cradle and cross-cradle hold, not good for the football hold.  I stopped using it after a few weeks though because it was more convenient to not have to attach something to myself every time I fed the baby. 

Bed Rest Pillow (AKA "husband pillow")  (ours is in red)
List price:  $16-20
We got it for $3 from a yard sale.
This pillow is a must-have for breastfeeding in bed for the night-time feedings.  It makes for an easy transition from the hospital bed and eliminates the need for a million pillows.

Bebe au Lait nursing cover
List price:  $35.00
We got it as a gift from my cousin.
Love this thing.  How can I nurse publicly without it?  There are imitation ones, but this is the original. 

Medela Swing Breastpump
List price: 149.99
We got it for $120 (with a 15% off coupon from Babies R Us).  The FDA does not recommend reusing another woman's pump because of possible health risks -- although some people argue that it's not possible to pass anything on to someone else.  We got a new one. 
I chose the Medela pump because if you ask around/anyone, everyone will tell you that Medela makes the best pump.  I chose the Swing in particular because it is much more efficient than a manual but not as pricey as the In-Style (which has a dual pump).  The single pump works perfectly for me, because I'm not under a time crunch where I would need to pump quickly.

Medela Nipple Shield
List price:  $6.99
We got it for retail price.
This is a really helpful tool if the baby is having trouble latching on (also a really nice shield if some blistering is happening).  However, it's a good temporary tool.  Use it only if necessary and be sure to continue to work on the latch without the shield. 

Lansinoh lanolin / Medela lanolin
List price:  $9.99
I got free samples of both.
I tried both when I needed it, and they were both equally effective. One was greasier than the other, but I forgot which one it was. 

Lansinoh Breast pads
List price:  $6.49 for 36 count
I got it for list price.
It's pretty unbelievable how absorbent these pads are.  I've heard that these are the superior pads, so I didn't try the Medela ones (but I've heard good things about Medela pads as well). 

Lansinoh Breast Milk Storage Bags
List price:  $11.99 for 50 count
Even though I'm using a Medela pump, the majority of mothers seem to speak well of the Lansinoh storage bags over the Medela ones.  There's a double seal on it.  I like it.

Other
Additionally, I wanted to post some things that were useful to us for a baby older than 3 mos.
Fisher Price Space-Saver High Chair
List price:  $54.99
We got it for $49.99
This high chair comes reasonably priced, saves space and will-travel (we took it with us to restaurants).  You can adjust the back to recline; it can also be a booster seat when the baby is older.  Baby Gizmo gives it a high review.

Exersaucer (We have this 2-in-1 activity center/walker) 
List price:  $80 and up
We got it for $0 -- handed down to us from a friend
Our foster baby would be entertained by this for at least 20 minutes at a time.  She really looooved it.  And it gave us enough time to clean up after every meal -- and/or cook a meal! 

Lastly, we haven't used or tested this one yet...
Graco Mosaic light-weight stroller
List price:  $109.99
We got this as a gift from the Lowes.
We had a different light-weight stroller (Wendy Bellisimo) with our foster daughter, but I didn't like it very much because the handles were too high for me.  The handles on this stroller are the prefect height, the wheels seem to be easy to maneuver and it's very light-weight.  I'm pretty excited to use this when our baby gets older.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  Elizabeth Stone

But I am still learning.  Sometimes I still find myself holding my breath when she cries.  Oh Lord, please teach me to surrender.

A Mother's Prayer, Celine Dion

I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe

I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe

Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe

Our little foster baby turned two last month.  TWO!  It's hard for me to imagine that the little, tiny baby who was only crawling when she came to us is two years old.  As I have been parenting our little (biological) baby, I often reflect back to the time when we fostered.  I am kinda amazed, actually, when I think that we actually decided to foster.  I half think to myself, "What the heck were we thinking??" because parenting is such hard work.  If I knew then what I know now, I'm not sure I would sign up to foster.  But the reality is that even though we only fostered both the baby girl and the baby boy for a very short amount of time, it really felt like a lifetime (at least, for the little girl), and I will always think of them as our children.  I know that no one else considers this to be true, but I will always think of that little girl as my first baby, and there's a part of my heart that will always be hers.  Happy birthday, little one!  May God continue to watch over you wherever you go.

Now I know what it's really like to GIVE myself for another.  When Jesus calls us to lay down our lives, I always accepted it in the spiritual sense.  Now I know what it means to do it in the physical sense.  My body feels so wrecked.  And yet what mom would hesitate to give the very best to her child?  Though my sleep cycle is being dictated by my baby's eating cycle and though breastfeeding causes me to wince in pain, it would take something tremendous before I would give this up.  I will keep pushing and persevering though every part of my body aches in pain.

Isaiah 49:15 has new meaning to me as well --
The Lord says, "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"

A mother WILL NOT forget.  How much more so will God NEVER forget us??

Not to neglect the depth of a father's love --
Psalm 27:10, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me."

Fathers and mothers do not forsake their children.  How much more so will the Lord never forsake us?

I'm understanding a new depth to God's love.  How vast and deep is His love! --

Babies know their mother's scent.  I am constantly amazed by this.  When my baby is in my arms and her face is buried in me, it calms her like nothing else.  Even when she is screaming like it's the end of the world and her need still hasn't been met, as soon as she is there with me, resting between my shoulders, she quiets down.  She feels so safe there, she often falls asleep within a minute of my holding her.  The first time I noticed this was when we were still in the hospital.  She was crying and crying, and my mom was trying to rock her and quiet her down.  She tried all kinds of things to comfort her but to no avail.  Finally, I said, "Mom, let me have her."  And then it was like a light switch. She immediately fell silent.  

I am reminded of when the Lord said, "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you..."  (Is 66:13) 

There is definitely a reason why God compares Himself to a mother here.  There is such an incredible connection between a mother and a child!  And this is the picture I have of God.  That we can rest securely in Him... be so at ease, knowing we are in His arms and in His care that all our cares slip away and we can fall fast asleep.

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders."  Deut 33:12 

Here's a picture of my baby resting securely "between my shoulders." 
  

May we be a people who are so secure in God, knowing that He will take good care of us, that our worries and concerns slip away.

I'm starting to have quiet times with my baby in the mornings.  I've been reading psalms to her and teaching her what it means and praying with her.  It occurred to me this morning as I prayed for her what a wonderful thing it will be for her to get to know God and walk with Him from an early age.   That wasn't something that I had... and I just hope that she will have more security, confidence and JOY as she puts her identity in Christ and puts her hope in Him.

This morning, we talked about Psalm 62.

"My soul finds rest in God" - again, reminded that though our bodies ache for physical rest, true rest only comes from God.  If we don't give God our "selves", we will always be restless and tired.  (Great reminder during these exhausting days of caring for her as a newborn.)

"Trust in him at all times...pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." 
"Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods..."
"Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love."

My baby and I talked about being people of integrity.  We never have to steal, cheat or manipulate because we can trust God.  Because power belongs to Him, He is able to meet and provide for all our needs.  And because of His unfailing love, we know He will meet our needs, specifically.  He loves us.  Pretty awesome.  I pray that we will be a people of integrity who always trust God and do what is right.