Last night we were at a send-off party for a best friend -- Pam.  After working diligently and prayerfully for the last few years, the foundations for Hope Harvest International have finally been set and is in a place where she can now go overseas to work out more details.  As the church stood together to pray for her last night, I couldn't help but remember the "China Dreaming" meetings we had so many years ago when it all started.  We all sat around in her living room with a big white butcher paper, brainstormed and dreamed about all the needs there were in China and what needed to be done.  The possibilities seemed endless, exciting and overwhelming all at the same time.  But we believed together that with God all things are possible.  Today, years later, I am completely in awe of God and His faithfulness to His promises and amazed at Pam and her perseverance and faith in following hard after Him and after the dream He gave her to start a non-profit organization to care for the parent-less in China.  Most of us just dream about things, but Pam has done it.  Certainly, it has not been without blood, sweat and tears.  But as many of us who have walked alongside Pam, prayed with her and heard of all the "almosts" and the dead-ends and the going-around-in-circles, I am among the many who has learned so much from her example.  Mainly, that when God gives you a vision, you have to follow Him.  It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it.

Here's a picture of the two women who have most influenced me to follow God in faith, even when it seems impossible and even when it goes against the grain.  Sam on the left and Pam in the middle.

Pam read a verse to us last night from Psalm 68:5-6a:
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families..."

"The mission of Hope Harvest International is to parent neglected orphans in impoverished
areas of China within small family-style homes. Through nurturing home environments, it is our vision that these children develop their full potential so that they will better the communities
around them."

As Pam shared these things last night, I kept thinking, "Exactly!!!"  This is the same exact reason why (husband)Sam and I want to become foster parents.  It's so clear in Scripture -- over and over, it states -- God's love and compassion for the orphans.  He sets the lonely in families.  May we all each in one way or another be a "family" for some of these lonely ones.

Let's follow after the dreams and visions God gives us -- even if it seems impossible! 

Our Story, cont.

When we last left off here, I had asked, "Is Sam really the one you have for me, Lord?"

Settling

It’s amazing how ready God is to answer our questions and address our fears – even the ones that we don’t know that we have.  More imminent than finding out whether Sam was the one or not was my need to make the shift in mindset from “single missionary” to “married missionary”.  And that was what God wanted to tackle first.

In the last few years prior to meeting Sam, I had become convinced that marriage and missions were mutually exclusive for me.  It had been a long journey of putting on the altar of sacrifice that which I desired most -- “marriage”.  Growing up, I had always dreamed longingly of a whirlwind romance, and after I had become a Christian, romance was superceded by ideals of a dynamic partnership of being “better together for God than apart.”  But even so, if it really had to come down to it, I would choose missions over marriage any day – a conclusion that was tested half a dozen times.  Over and over again, I had to consider whether I really was called to be a missionary – because if not, then I could date and marry Billy, Joe, Bob… 

Which I almost did.  And that would’ve been settling.  Settling doesn’t mean ending up with a loser.  You could end up with a good Christian who was a leader in a church but still be settling.  You settle any time you choose the path that God hasn’t made for you.  But sometimes it’s easier to choose the good that is right in front of you than the “best” which you can’t see, taste or touch.  It requires faith of the truest kind to be so certain of what we do not see that we would disengage from what we’ve wrapped our arms around and then wrap it around God alone. 

I had done this very thing the previous fall -- which left me resigned to believing that I had given up marriage for good.  If this great Christian guy whom I had been dating did not have the same dreams and passions that God was calling me to, then how in the world could it be possible that there would be anyone like me in the world at all?  It seemed like a lost cause.

And though I had chosen well, I quickly became bitter.  God, why can’t I have both missions and marriage?  My heart ached and ached. 

“It wasn’t for nothing, Mary Ann.  Whenever you let go of the good that you hold onto, you don’t end up with nothing.  You end up with Me.”  I think it was then at the beginning of 2005 when I really understood this that my life began to take a different turn.  Because I had God, I had everything.  Truly, I had everything!   

Soon after, I read the story of how God brought Rebekah and Isaac together.  While reading, I felt God’s breath giving life to the words, speaking directly to my heart.  “Oh, could it be?” (A twinge of hope was rising.)  But then, “That’s impossible.”  (Seemed too sweet a promise to be mine.)  But when I read it, it felt almost like God was giving me a promise.  So why not?  Why not pray for a husband?  God desires for us to live in hope, not in resignation.

So I prayed that God would make me the woman He wanted me to be, to be in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, “right with God”, so that I might be the answer to someone else’s prayer.  (Just like Rebekah was.)  That was it.  That was all I needed to do:  be right with God, living and breathing at the center of His will, and His blessings and favor would pour out.  I knew that praying that kind of prayer and living that kind of life was the only place of joy. 

And God answered.  He put me in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing – and it brought me so much joy.  And it was in the midst of all this joyful walking on air that God brought Sam into my line of sight. 

For more of our story, click here.

A Short Story by Mary Ann Nguyen

Start: Jan 31, 2005

Finished: ?

 

She was totally unprepared – though she didn’t even realize it.  Not until the day of, when she kept having to run back to her room to grab her glasses, the extra set of batteries for her camera, her passport – oh my, she almost forgot her passport and she actually had to backtrack home for that one. 

 

It wasn’t that Lillian was an irresponsible type.  She was usually very much so a planner.  But this was her third short-term mission trip within the last two years, so the general familiarity of what was coming up had made her feel like she could relax a little and procrastinate the packing and prepping for this trip.

 

As she made the multiple panting climbs up her stairs to grab stuff she had forgotten, she chuckled at how different this was from her first trip.  For that trip, she had everything packed, checked and double-checked two days before her flight out.  In fact, she had spent hours on the phone talking to one of her teammates to compare notes about what was needed! 

 

When she at last arrived at the airport that Saturday morning, she could see a few of her teammates waiting to be checked in.  Everyone seemed eager and anxious.  Ah, the newbies.  Though she was a veteran short-termer now, she planned to take a sort of backseat role for this trip and let the enthusiastic newbies plow ahead with their energy and ideas.  She figured that was the best way for them to grow from this experience.   She was totally ready to make friends with the locals; she loved that part of missions, but she was also ready to steer clear of leading the team and taking care of the logistics. Besides, it wasn’t like she knew Chinese anyway, even if this would be her third time to China.

 

Everything checked out smoothly, and they were on their way.  The first leg of their flight would take around ten hours, where they would stop off in Korea for about an hour.  Having that stopover actually saved each of them at least eighty dollars for the airfare.  Jillian had no idea why.  And as she sank into her seat, preparing for the long journey, she realized she didn’t care.  She was on her way to bring God’s message to another people!  A thrill went through her insides as she landed upon that thought.  

 

**********

 

“All right, let’s see if we can get some quality Korean food here.  You think they’ll have the real stuff at the airport?”

 

“I don’t think we have enough time to eat, Jake.”

 

They had arrived at the airport at last.   The time of their next flight would mean that they could leisurely get to the next gate, but that was about all.  Jake, being a new graduate and having never gone overseas before, was eager to squeeze in a taste of another culture.  The rest of the team was anxious to not miss their flight.   

 

On getting off the plane into the actual airport, they were hit by the intense humidity.  It was hot!!  And not only was it hot but there seemed to be a great sea of people milling about the airport.  There was quite a cacophony with everyone busily chattering in all kinds of different languages.  This must’ve been what it was like at Babel, Lillian thought. 

 

Because there were so many people, the team had to push through to move forward as they were urged on by the mass behind them.  They were able to recognize the people from their flight, however, and it was all they could do to follow them.  Before long, they had fallen in line to go through a gate.  The security guard checked their passports and ticket and said something to them in Korean as they each walked through. 

 

Moments later, the team had their carry-ons stowed away overhead and were beginning to relax. 

 

“Can you believe how hot it was there?’ Joanne, who was sitting next to Lillian uttered.

 

“Yeah, I think I heard someone say something about a broken air con,” replied Tommy.

 

“And what was with all those people?  It’s not even a holiday!”  Joanne returned.

 

“Well, I have a theory,” Alex, their team leader, popped his head up from behind them.  “It’s Chinese/Korean new year, remember?  Probably everyone is traveling to see their family. Big deal in Asia, right?”

 

Alex was forty-something, a husband and a father.  His wife and two kids were back at home.  Lillian had heard that he was making plans on bringing them back long term.  “Very cool,” Lillian had breathed when she heard it.  This was actually Alex’s second time going on one of these trips with this particular organization, which meant that he was the shoe-in for leader.  He didn’t really seem like the leader-type to Lillian, however.  He was very quiet and introspective.  She couldn’t really see him blasting a trumpet and having a gang of troops run after and follow him.  She chuckled as the image formed in her mind.  But there were all sorts of leaders, not just the trumpet blasters.  The behind-the-scenes leaders were also equally effective.

 

Alex had lots of theories; Lillian had already discovered from all their orientation meetings.  And he was right about this one.  The Chinese new year was actually the reason why they were all on this trip.  In China, everyone had at least one week off to celebrate the lunar new year.  There were big celebrations. Businesses closed down.  Schools were not in session.  It was the perfect time for them to come.  And they had all taken two weeks off work to go on this short, short mission trip to take advantage of this holiday season.

 

“Are you going to sleep on this flight?”  Joanne asked Lillian.

 

“I’m going to try really hard not to.  I’m so sleepy though, but we need to adjust to the new time zone.  Are you gonna sleep?”

 

“I’m gonna try not to too.  It’s only a few hours, right?”  Joanne was twenty-nine.  She was a project manager of some sort at some company that Lillian didn’t quite catch.  Lillian could tell already that Joanne was the type that needed things to be a certain way, planned, organized and set.  Oh boy.

 

**********

 

Lillian awakened to a tap on her shoulders.  “Hey, sorry to wake you…” 

 

Lillian felt embarrassed.  She had tried so hard not to fall asleep, but she had!  She responded quickly, “Yeah?” 

 

“What time do ya got?”  It was Jake who had tapped her from behind. 

 

Lillian looked at her watch.  “Well, it’s…  Well, I didn’t change my time yet since we left the States.”

 

“’Cause by my watch, I think we’ve been on this plane for more than six hours.  Wasn’t it only supposed to take us 2 or 3 hours to China?”

 

“Yeah.”  Lillian got up on her seat to face Jake. She saw that Alex was sleeping.  “Well, I guess we’ll have to ask Alex later.  Maybe we’re just delayed or something?  I dunno.” 

 

Lillian was not terribly good with details, so she didn’t know how to verify with Jake, but as she sat down in her seat again, feeling more awake, she started getting the feeling like something was not quite right.  Not that anything unusual was happening, persay.  People were sleeping or staring at the screen or reading magazines or chatting with their neighbors.  Pretty normal.  But something inside told her that there was a problem.

 

**********

 

“The flight attendant didn’t know English very well.  I asked him how much longer it would take for us to get to China, and he just smiled at me.  So then I resorted to just saying, ‘China’ and he said with a thick accent, ‘Korean.’  It didn’t get me anywhere,” Alex sighed with exasperation.

 

They were speaking in whispered tones at the back of the plane near the bathrooms because the lights were down and most people were either sleeping or fully engaged in the movie.  By their calculations, they had been on that plane for at least ten hours already, and they were all feeling quite anxious.  They were completely worn out from the uncomfortable, listless sleep they’d been having for the last twenty hours and just overwhelmed by the confusion of what was happening.  Clearly, they were headed somewhere, but it wasn’t China.  

 

Joanne was ready to go into hysterics.  It was setting the rest of the team on edge.  This is not good, Lillian thought to herself.

 

“Hey, what do you think about praying?”  Lillian looked over at Alex, trying to prompt him.  He nodded in assent.

 

“Yes, let’s do that.  Let’s pray, everybody.”

 

**********

 

A few hours later, after many hours of restless sleeping, of attempting to ask their uninviting fellow travelers, of praying and committing themselves into God’s hands and resolving at last to just wait to see how God would lead them, they finally landed at an airport.

 

They stumbled out of the plane, anxious to understand where they were.  At last, they discovered a sign:  Matecana Airport.  Matecana?  Where’s that?

 

As one, they walked up to a man behind a counter while Tommy murmured, “Don’t all airports have at least one person who speaks in English?”

 

“That’s a little ethnocentric, don’t you think?” Kathy responded with a sigh.  Up until that point, Lillian had observed that Kathy had been the epitome of optimism and ‘togetherness.’  It must come from being the mother of two grown children, Lillian thought.  But even moms can get a little harried at times.

 

“Hi…uh…we were wondering if you could tell us where we are?”  Alex asked tentatively. 

 

The man behind the counter grinned charmingly and said, “Puedo ayudarle?”

 

Lillian brightened.  “Spanish!!  He’s speaking Spanish!”  she exclaimed to no one in particular and to everyone in general.

 

She then leaned over the counter and drew from the rusty corridors of her mind, “Cual pais este?” 

 

She had no idea if she had said it right, and from the look of the man’s face, she was probably wrong.  But he repeated the key word, “Pais?”  And when she nodded, he said, “Colombia.”

 

The whole group gasped.  What?  How in the world did they get here?  And how in the world would they get to the part of the world where they had aimed to go?

 

Lillian spent a few moments trying to compose her next question before attempting to ask the man how they could get a ticket out of there.  But it felt like slewing through mud.  They couldn’t make heads or tails of each other’s meanings. 

 

Stepping away from the counter, she turned toward her group.  They were all mumbling between themselves similar things.  What should we do now?  It’s late.  I’m tired. 

 

Finally, Alex took charge.  “Lillian, do you think you could ask him where the nearest hotel is?  Maybe we could check into a hotel for the night and figure things out tomorrow after we’re better rested.”   

 

And, with all the trouble that you can imagine six Americans can have in a foreign country with a foreign language, that’s exactly what they did.  Somehow or other, they ended up at a hotel about ten minutes away from the airport by taxi.

Heart-attachments

Most of the times when I close my eyes for a second in the middle of the day or to pause to pray, I am transported back to China.  Sometimes I am walking on that street between the hotel and the restaurant from my first China trip, sometimes I am kicking up dust in the little city on my second China trip, and sometimes I am swatting mosquitos on the campus of my third trip.  Sometimes I am on the "pedestrain walkway", sometimes I am in that cold, cold middle school classroom, sometimes I am playing cards in that little dorm room with all those girls.  It's funny how you just don't forget.

There's something special about the place where you went on your first mission trip.  Probably nothing in the world will change the way I feel about the people in the land of all those trips that I've gone to.  It's the same way I know Sam feels every time he sees people who look or dress or worship sorta like the ones where he spent three years of his life.  It's the same way most of us feel about our home towns where we grew up.  There's an intensity and a love and a loyalty and a special heart-connection.  Our hearts always go out to those people.  We are attached to the place and to the people -- and nothing can replace it. 

What's the reason?  Maybe it's because it cost us so much to get there.  And, when we were there, we made it our hometown for that short expanse of time as we gave all of ourselves and all of our faith to depend on the One true God who would deliver.  We incline our ears toward Heaven, we are desperate to hear His words and His heartbeat, and we choose at last to see as He sees and love as He loves... 

We loved as He loves - that one group of people in that one corner of the world - because we had the privilege of entering into that world firsthand -- seeing real faces, looking into the life held behind real eyes, shaking, touching real hands -- warm, soft -- we felt their breath, we heard their hurts, we saw them laugh.  They're real to us, they're personal to us -- they're not just two-dimensional pictures any more...

This morning I realized that my heart-attachment and partiality to that one group of people in that one corner of the world is the same connection and partiality that God has for every group of people in every place on the face of this earth.  It's like every town (and every tribe and every village) is God's hometown.  His heart always goes out to every people.  He's in love with every one - because He's seen their faces and knows their hearts... and not only has He felt their breath but He was the One who gave them their breath of life.  And I was floored by this overwhelming, dawning realization that God loves in that partial sort of way -- sees in His waking dreams -- all the faces of all the people on this whole earth...!!  *whoah*  [selah]

--if only all of us felt this intense heart-attachment -- as God has a heart-attachment -- for all the people on the face of this earth!   I think His Kingdom would come sooner if we could have a heart like God's...

"A Masters in Suburbia"  (i just found this i wrote jan 4, 2003)

I was not made to be a missionary - not physically - nor was I raised to be one. I was raised to get my masters degree in middle class suburbia. I don't want to stay so long that I can earn a "masters" in suburbia, but I can see it happening already...

I'm passing some of the "general requirements" - the accumulation of "stuff," the lustful eyes after pricey consumer goods (everything from a digital camera to a brand new car!), the desire to lead a project shockingly well at work in order to receive commendations (not to mention a secret wish to stay long enough to see the project finished and ensure that my name goes on the research findings publications...). Ah, my desires are so worldly! 

...I'm so prissy - such a suburbanite. I can't endure pain, heavy loads, cold, heat, dirt or anything that's "too extreme" in any direction that causes any measure of uncomfortability. What an awful missionary I will be! How ill-fitting am I? I am completely inflexible and unadaptable, slow to change, slow to adopt new ideas. Anything foreign to me needs to be reasoned out and somehow reconciled in my mind before I am willing to accept and embrace it wholeheartedly. I am afraid of bugs and disease and filth and smelly things. I'm afraid of illness... and rejection (being with people who don't want me to love them), of persecution, torture and being misunderstood. I'm afraid of being poor and going hungry and making my parents feel as if I have abandoned them...

but more than all these fears, there is one fear - the greatest fear - that surpasses them all. It is the fear of not living out my life for Christ. It's the fear of not being a true disciple. It's the fear of going my own way rather than His and maybe not necessarily ending in "destruction" but not necessarily ending in the greatest Joy either. It's the fear of missing out on God's Best for me (and therefore indirectly, for others as well), the fear of not "going on" in Christ, the fear of not being at the center of God's will. Yes, the greatest fear that surpasses them all would be the fear of the consequences that would come from my conscious or unconscious willful disobedience to the desires of my God and King.

And so I plow on and plunge in, willing to...pick up my cross and follow Him - even to the depths of the unknown... which is really only "unknown" to me, but not to Him... because no matter how awful "unknown" may seem, it would not be as awful as having the "greatest fear" lived out in my life.

Pictures from this weekend (courtesy of Eleasa):

Eleasa, me, Dr. Taylor, Pam, Candy and Yan.  We're such a groupee.

ROWDY JUNIOR HIGH GIRLS:  Whenever Candy, Eleasa and I sit next to each other during worship service, we become giggily, whispering silliness.  It's terrible.  But we sure have a lot of fun.  Who else would cheer and shout with me over worship songs where we sing about Jesus being alive and reigning and satan being vanquished?  I love these two!!  Grateful for their lives and their hearts to follow God. 

Missions Conference at CBC

Last night, Pam did a ten-minute shpewl right before James Hudson Taylor.  Seriously, I never felt so proud.  Here is one of my best friends, a real-live missionary.  An American Born Chinese who served in China for two years and now speaks Mandarin so eloquently.  But what made me so proud of her was not the Chinese but what she said.  She was challenging and exhorting the congregation to go overseas.  I looked around me and saw 70-year old white-haired ladies and 40-50 yr old professionals.  And there was Pam not even flinching as she urged everybody to go.  I was struck by how bold was her message.  It's a must.  Step out of the boat.  Amen to that.

Dr. Taylor really knows how to speak to your heart.  Humble old saint who really loves God.  He reminded me again that God's desire for the nations to know Him and worship Him was always His passion from the beginning.  Genesis 12.  God blessed Abram, so that he would be a blessing to all the peoples on earth.  All peoples, all nations.  That's the Great Commission right there.

During this morning's session, I started daydreaming about being in China and somehow getting to teach Bible stories in an English class.  That woud be fun.  I had to shake myself out of daydreaming for a second, but I realized something!  My daydreams can be reality.  What a thought!

Anyway, it made me realize that it's not that I'm opposed to serving in China (I just want to see the lost come to know Jesus!).  It's just that I think that the older Chinese generation who have been in the States for 30-40 yrs have a hold on this field.  They can go back - with the language that they are already so good at - and equip the saints in China.  The locals are gearing up and ready to go westward to the Muslim world.  China's already "reached" in a sense.  So I want to go elsewhere.  To the unreached!  It's gonna be all the nations one day all around the Throne worshiping the Lamb.  I want a part in bringing the gospel to one of these unreached nations.  That's all. 

Maybe that's not what I will get to do.  But I just know that it is God's passion and so I want it too.  Wanting is different than willing.  I'm not just willing.  I am wanting.  Wanting is not based upon whether or not I think I'll make it out there.  (As a friend said to me the other day, "maybe you should go out there first and see if God's really called you.")  I already know that I'm not gonna make it.  Without God, I won't make it.  But that's not the matter in question.  I don't need to go to know that God has called me.  The Bible is so clear that this is God's passion.  He's called all of us.  Read the Bible in context, and you will see it too.  We are all blessed to be blessings to others!

No doubt.   Anyway, don't miss James Hudson Taylor III.  If you can make it, come to the English service at CBC at 10:45 this Sunday and the afternoon session at 2pm.  It'll be worth it.  Pam, Daniel, Cindy, Dave Yu, Steve and Stan will be leading worship.  Whoot!  =)

Heroes

A few hours ago, I got to pick up Dr. James Hudson Taylor III from the airport.  He is actually the fourth generation from the orginal J Hudson Taylor - who is my hero.  There was one generation that did not use the "James Hudson" name, and that is how this James Hudson Taylor is the Third rather than the Fourth -- even though he is the great-grandson of my hero.  After I dropped em off, I felt this giddy delight inside.  His great-grandpa is my hero and yet I felt it such a privilege to serve him by driving him today.  Silly, aren't I?

"Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secrets"  ---- read it.