"Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none..."  (Luke 3:11)  Tonight my New Testament professor taught us that the people who were being preached at in this passage lived in such poverty that they really only had one shirt.  It was a rarity that anyone would actually have a change of shirts.  Yet, here, John the Baptist is saying that if you wanted to live out the Kingdom and happened to have a spare shirt, you ought to give it away to someone else who has need.  That really puts things into perspective! 

We studied the Gospel of Luke this past week and learned that one of the many themes that is prominent in this gospel is salvation for outsiders.  You can't read Luke without seeing the emphasis on Jesus' love for the poor, the oppressed, the marginalized of society.  In fact, it is in Luke uniquely that we find Jesus saying, "Blessed are the poor...blessed are you who hunger now."  Poor, not poor in spirit.  Hunger, not hunger for righteousness.  Jesus really meant the physically poor and the physically hungry.  In His inaugural sermon in Luke 4, He said that He came for the poor, the prisoners and the oppressed.

So as believers how do we be obedient to Jesus' call to us to care for these "outsiders"?

Growing up in middle class suburbia, the only attempts my group of friends ever made was to go down to a soup kitchen to serve food to the homeless and sometimes distribute sandwiches in downtown SD.  Anything more than that was beyond our imagination and our capability.  But somehow I think these things, though nice, do not fully embody what Jesus meant.

Perhaps what Jesus meant was something more like what happened to me a few years ago.  I was hanging out with a friend of mine and nonchalantly complimented her on her shirt.  Pretty routine stuff.  That's just what girls do.  But rather than the usual, "Thanks," in response, she completely took me by surprise when she asked instead, "Do you want it?"  She wasn't kidding.  She was really offering me her shirt!  And as I contemplated how surprised I was, I realized also that I shouldn't be surprised. She was just living out the Gospel.

But things like that do surprise us.  We don't know what to do with it when someone truly follows Jesus.  It's weird.

After class tonight, I talked to one of my classmates, and she said that she felt so riled up; she felt convicted and inspired to use all of her mind, body, and hands to serve God's people, but she wasn't sure who or how.  I was excited with her and felt the same way... but as we ended the conversation, I realized that I knew who and how.   When Sam and I were first married, I kept writing about the "tax collectors and sinners" and our knowing, growing conviction to do something about them -- but the only problem was that we had no idea who and how.  Walking out the seminary doors tonight, I felt this affirming hand on me urging me forward in welcoming a little one into our home.  To be foster parents -- to use the abundance (material and spiritual) that God has given us to bless a child who has no true home or true parent or family -- this is what the gospel is about.

I've been thinking about how important revision is. When God matures
us and leads us to a new vision or better understanding, we just must revise
our way of thinking -- even if it’s a complete embarrassment to ourselves.
Looking back on my life, I can see so many times when I was sure of a
thing and then it turned out differently. I don’t have regrets about
following Him down those paths because of the lessons I learned as a
result of them, but it’s funny how in the end, it was not as I was so
convicted about...

To revise when God gives you new revelation requires true humility and
courage. It means you have to admit you were wrong somewhere — and it
means you need courage to step forward in a whole new direction.

This morning I took a step back as I reviewed the Books of Kings.  I was struck by the reminder that when we fear people more than we fear God, it truly becomes a snare for ourselves and for others.  This is exactly what Solomon said in Proverbs 29:25.  Jeroboam (king of Israel) should've read the proverb of his predecessor.  If he had not feared losing his popularity, if he had not feared losing the favor and allegiance of his people, if he had chosen to trust God rather than being a people-pleaser, then all that idolatry would've been avoided. (No golden calves in Israel.)  People-pleasing leads to idolatry.  Idolatry leads to downfall.

Oswald Chambers writes, "If we obey God, it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the sting comes in.  If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything, it is a delight; but it costs those who do not love Him a good deal.  If we obey God, it will mean that other people's plans are upset, and they will gibe us with it, "You call this Christianity?"  We can prevent the suffering; but if we are going to obey God, we must not prevent it, we must let the cost be paid.  ...  Are we going to remain loyal in our obedience to God...or take the other line and say--I will not cost other people suffering?  We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but we shall be a grief to our Lord.  Whereas if we obey God, He will look after those who have been pressed into the consequences of our obedience.  We have simply to obey and to leave all consequences with Him." 

When it comes down to it, the question is, Who do I fear more?  --The Lord or people?  Whose opinions dictate my choices and decisions?  The Lord or people?  When my obedience costs others, my natural inclination is to relieve them of their suffering -- and yet, the real question I must ask is what will that disobedience (that temporary relief) cost them and me in the end?  It's just not worth it.

"...the Lord had filled them with joy by changing the attitude of the king of Assyria so that he assisted them in the work on the house of God..."  Ezr 6:22

As I read Ezra and Nehemiah, I am reminded that in every work of God that you do, there will always be someone to oppose you.  But those who oppose you will never win if it is the work of God that you are in.  (Yes, those rhymes are on purpose!) 

God can change the hearts and attitudes of those who oppose you when you are following God.

It's pretty miraculous when we think about it -- God changed the attitude of Israel's captors.  The king of Persia was the ruler of the super-power in the known world.  He had no duty or obligation to release the Israelites to rebuild their temple.  He answered to nobody.  So what would compel him to not only permit the Israelites to rebuild the temple but to also finance the undertaking?  God. 

I don't know about you, but it's easy for me to be overwhelmed by the difficulties and challenges that I face when I follow God.  It's easy for me to feel discouraged and wonder, "But if I am following God, why would someone oppose?"  But reading Ezra and Nehemiah, I am reminded that even when you are doing what God wants you to do, there will always be people who will come to you to purposely try to discourage you by telling you all the things that could go wrong, telling you how weak your skills are and even go to the point of attacking you, mocking you and ridiculing you.  Nehemiah reminds me to pray for those who are not on the same page, and the book of Ezra reveals that God can change hearts so that those who oppose can be transformed to become those who embrace, support and encourage.

- Attend Church every Sunday - check.
- Read Bible every day - check.
- Pray - check.
- Weekly Bible studies - check, check.
- Talk about God regularly in conversations - check.
- Go on short-term missions - check, check, check.
- Attend yearly Christian conferences and/or retreats - check.
- Serve God/minister to others - check.
- Share the gospel - eh...sometimes check.
- Lead people to Christ - check.
- Disciple new/young believers - check.

Without saying it out loud, I think most of us have this checklist hanging over our heads.  We are all busy checking them off -- or feeling guilty for being unable to check them.  But why the guilt?  It's probably admitting too much for me to admit that while the check-marks on this list are supposed to be indicators that I have a healthy spiritual life, the reality I have found is that I could tackle this list all day long, all week, all year and all my life and still have 100% ownership over my heart, not surrendered to God.  Although striving to check off this list ought to help me grow closer to God, in actuality, it can be such a guise, a ruse, to the world and to myself which says, "Hey, look at me, I'm so spiritual!"  -- while in reality, I am not.  But I am hardly fooling God.  God knows this overt display of religiosity is merely helping me hide from Him rather than draw closer to Him.  How easy it is to check off a list and complete a task but how costly it actually is to truly engage with the living God.  But isn't that what I am striving for? 

The other day, a friend asked me how I would measure spiritual growth.  I think you know you are growing spiritually when you realize how unspiritual you are.  The more you realize that you haven't got it together and that you never really will, the more you will be able to realize why Jesus died, the more you will desperately cling to Him, and the more you will worship Him.   The more you understand the depth of your sin, the more you can grasp the breadth of God's grace -- and the more you are 'growing spiritually.'  Case in point:  the older and more mature the Apostle Paul became, the more he peppered his writings with humble statements of his humbled state.  It was in one of his last letters that he wrote that he was "the chief of all sinners."  

Spiritual maturity is inextricably tied with falling to our knees because of understanding the hideousness of our sins... and standing tall with the conviction that "God's power to forgive is greater than our power to sin."  True maturity is to be able to truly pray the words of the psalmist - with no holds barred - "Search me, oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, (reveal them to me!) and lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139:23-24.  How I pray that He would lead me in this way of true spirituality.

It's when you read a small passage of Scripture over and over again and let the words hang in the air until they climb into your heart and nestle down in there.  It's when you read the words slowly, very slowly, pausing after every word, waiting for the Spirit to speak with a resonating boom or a gentle whisper.  You come with expectation; you listen with anticipation.  Your heart is on the table.  You are hungering to be changed. 

This morning's meditation was on Mark 1:9-13.  I was struck by the short phrase, "At once."

In context, it goes like this, "'You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.'  At once the Spirit sent Him out into the desert...being tempted by Satan.  He was with the wild animals..." 

Realization:  Just because I am loved by God does not mean that I am shielded from all bad things.  After an amazing affirmation of love, "at once", Jesus was sent to the desert, to temptations and to wild animals.  Just because I am sent out into the wild does not mean God does not love me.  Many would agree that Jesus' desert time was necessary for His development as a person; similarly, I need my own desert time for maturation.  It doesn't mean God has abandoned me.  It means, still, that He loves me.  The end of the quoted verse above says, "and angels attended him."  Yes, Jesus was sent to the desert, but He was not alone.  Truly, being sent into the desert does not mean that God does not go with me there in love.

I have been spending far too long investing in intellectual treadmill running.  Laborous sweat, mental gymnastics - countless hours alone and with others studying, discussing, examining, analyzing Scripture -- but not being transformed at all.  It's been an appalling waste of time stuck in this rut of technicality.  How did my dynamic intimacy with Jesus disintegrate into this cold religion?  I've somehow ceased to be engaged in a breathtaking relationship and instead, enrolled myself in a lifeless university. 

Transformation.

Can Jesus really transform me radically?  Does He really speak with power?  Can Scripture really interact with my life -- rather than running at a distant parallel from my life?  It's been so long, so long.  I've forgotten how satisfying God really is.

Anywhere.

I have this certain, sure, strong conviction and call - not to "do" missions, but to help others to Jesus, coupled with an adventuresome spirit and a heart that trusts God for anything...

I will be a globetrotter for You, Lord.  I'll walk that second mile, third and fourth.  I'll leave all my belongings behind.  I won't invest in this world.  I won't kick off my shoes and settle down.  I won't grow roots anywhere - but in, You, Lord.  I'll go anywhere, Lord, anywhere - as long as I get to be with You.

The cross is before me, the world is behind me, and there is nothing in between.  Nothing to obstruct and no one to stand in the way.  There are no other loves before me that exceed my love for You.  There's nothing I desire besides You.  God, I can go anywhere with You!  Not even the sky's the limit.  And greater still is always Your love, which is limitless.

I have no ties.  I'm free to go.  No sibling I must take care of.  No parents who have me on a leash.  No husband or children to be concerned of.  No boyfriend who's asking me to stay.  Not even a dog or goldfish to worry or care for.  No furniture or belonging that I would flinch to leave behind.  No debt I couldn't pay off with a flip of the dime.  What freedom!!  I really can say, "Lord, anywhere" and mean it... 

And this, my friends, you who have been wondering... is the reason why excitement fills my heart to overflowing.

Unplowed Ground

I met up with two heroes in my life last Friday.  Larry Bauer said to me, “There has been no other woman at UCSD who has had more influence as you have had.  Not only has your influence been broad, but it has been very deep.  This is evidence of God’s blessing.  This is something very unusual and unique.  Not everyone can invest as you have and seen as much fruit.  As you move on to this new thing, don’t ever forget this gift that God has given you.” 

Brenda Bauer said, “Over the years, I have seen flashes of that adventuresome part of you, but you have never really gotten to exercise it.  Now… you can.”

Yesterday morning I read this entry I had written about this time last year, “I know that my gifting is shepherding and teaching.  It is obviously what I am good at.  But even so, I’m willing to lay it aside in order to fulfill whatever role He wishes.  Let me get out of the box and try something different; I can try serving God in a different capacity – who knows what I will find in the process.  So let me move into ‘unplowed ground.’  (Jer 4)  Anything in order to know His will for my life and to obey.”

In another entry, I had written, “Discipleship and Bible study, I know how to do this already.  Lord, let me do something I have never done before so that it must be a step of faith.  I want to do something that requires me to depend on you fully so that I may know and acknowledge that it was through you and you only that this was accomplished.”

Perhaps by taking on this job and doing mobilization, I will get at these very things.  It would be an adventure of faith.  Something different, something new, something wonderful.  And yet, may I never forget or neglect entirely God’s true call on my life – which is, to invest in lives.

Sometimes you make a choice because you know that it is right.  But it doesn't mean that your feelings follow.  At those times, you've just gotta put it in a box and walk away.  And pray that your feelings will eventually match your choice.  It usually does.  Meanwhile.  Just walk away.