- Attend Church every Sunday - check.
- Read Bible every day - check.
- Pray - check.
- Weekly Bible studies - check, check.
- Talk about God regularly in conversations - check.
- Go on short-term missions - check, check, check.
- Attend yearly Christian conferences and/or retreats - check.
- Serve God/minister to others - check.
- Share the gospel - eh...sometimes check.
- Lead people to Christ - check.
- Disciple new/young believers - check.

Without saying it out loud, I think most of us have this checklist hanging over our heads.  We are all busy checking them off -- or feeling guilty for being unable to check them.  But why the guilt?  It's probably admitting too much for me to admit that while the check-marks on this list are supposed to be indicators that I have a healthy spiritual life, the reality I have found is that I could tackle this list all day long, all week, all year and all my life and still have 100% ownership over my heart, not surrendered to God.  Although striving to check off this list ought to help me grow closer to God, in actuality, it can be such a guise, a ruse, to the world and to myself which says, "Hey, look at me, I'm so spiritual!"  -- while in reality, I am not.  But I am hardly fooling God.  God knows this overt display of religiosity is merely helping me hide from Him rather than draw closer to Him.  How easy it is to check off a list and complete a task but how costly it actually is to truly engage with the living God.  But isn't that what I am striving for? 

The other day, a friend asked me how I would measure spiritual growth.  I think you know you are growing spiritually when you realize how unspiritual you are.  The more you realize that you haven't got it together and that you never really will, the more you will be able to realize why Jesus died, the more you will desperately cling to Him, and the more you will worship Him.   The more you understand the depth of your sin, the more you can grasp the breadth of God's grace -- and the more you are 'growing spiritually.'  Case in point:  the older and more mature the Apostle Paul became, the more he peppered his writings with humble statements of his humbled state.  It was in one of his last letters that he wrote that he was "the chief of all sinners."  

Spiritual maturity is inextricably tied with falling to our knees because of understanding the hideousness of our sins... and standing tall with the conviction that "God's power to forgive is greater than our power to sin."  True maturity is to be able to truly pray the words of the psalmist - with no holds barred - "Search me, oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, (reveal them to me!) and lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139:23-24.  How I pray that He would lead me in this way of true spirituality.

Journal thoughts of my meditations the last few days...

Mark 1:40-45  Keyword:  compassion
     Compassion is different from pity.  Pity is feeling sorry for someone at a distance; compassion means emotional involvement that moves you to action.
     Jesus touched the man with leprosy because He was filled with compassion.  He touched him to bring healing.  That was probably the first time that man had been touched in years.  For as long as he had leprosy, he had to live in isolation and loneliness, banished from society, love and affection.  He was ostracized and totally alone because of his disease.  Jesus didn't have to touch this man to heal him, but He knew that his disease had eaten away more than his skin.  Jesus' touch brought this man back to life, and this "life" was beyond simply inhaling and exhaling every second.  This is what compassion is and does.

Mark 2:1-12  Keyword:  authority
     Jesus has authority on earth to forgive sins (2:10) - to heal a paralytic man (2:11-12), to teach with authority (1:22), to cause evil spirits (1:27) and even the wind and waves (4:41) to obey Him.  He can even read minds and hearts.  I love this verse, "Immediately, Jesus knew in His spirit that this is what they were thinking in their hearts."  (2:8)
     Jesus has authority, and I need to worship and esteem Him so.

     Unrelated... Also, how inspiring that it wasn't necessarily the paralytic's "faith" that healed him, but it was as a result of the faith of his four friends who took apart the roof to lower him down.  Our prayers of intercession in faith on behalf of others could be enough to heal them.  (Yes!!  Praise the Lord for this reality!!)

Mark 2:13-17  Keyword:  saw
     "As he walked along, he saw Levi..."  (2:14)  While most of the Jews at that time regularly passed by tax collectors, discounting them as nothing but traitors to their people; Jesus actually saw Matthew and called Matthew to be on His team, a part of His group, in His family.  "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."  (2:17)  Jesus doesn't discriminate, stereotype, overlook or dismiss anyone.  He looks and He sees people.  Am I someone who looks and really sees people - beyond what they do, how they behave and dress, their race, gender or class?  Do I see the way Jesus sees?

Jesus spent time among society's outcasts.  He loved the 'unlovely' and spent time with them to such an extent that it brought about criticism, confusion and complaints from others who did not understand.  He raised eyebrows from His shocking and radical love toward all.  In what ways do I love as radically as Jesus?  How can I love the outcasts?  Lord, can you help me see hearts the way you do?

It's when you read a small passage of Scripture over and over again and let the words hang in the air until they climb into your heart and nestle down in there.  It's when you read the words slowly, very slowly, pausing after every word, waiting for the Spirit to speak with a resonating boom or a gentle whisper.  You come with expectation; you listen with anticipation.  Your heart is on the table.  You are hungering to be changed. 

This morning's meditation was on Mark 1:9-13.  I was struck by the short phrase, "At once."

In context, it goes like this, "'You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.'  At once the Spirit sent Him out into the desert...being tempted by Satan.  He was with the wild animals..." 

Realization:  Just because I am loved by God does not mean that I am shielded from all bad things.  After an amazing affirmation of love, "at once", Jesus was sent to the desert, to temptations and to wild animals.  Just because I am sent out into the wild does not mean God does not love me.  Many would agree that Jesus' desert time was necessary for His development as a person; similarly, I need my own desert time for maturation.  It doesn't mean God has abandoned me.  It means, still, that He loves me.  The end of the quoted verse above says, "and angels attended him."  Yes, Jesus was sent to the desert, but He was not alone.  Truly, being sent into the desert does not mean that God does not go with me there in love.

I've been asked a few times recently if Sam & I have had our first fight yet.  It makes me laugh.  Is it actually possible for any couple to have gone from friendship to dating to marriage and not have any conflicts at all?  Any couple who claims they haven't had any riffs make me wonder if they have ever talked about anything important at all ever.  To not have conflict because we think it's better to let things slide even though they really do matter to us and to agree to disagree is, in reality, to agree to be separate.  You go your way.  I'll go my way.  And very quickly, you have two separate people living two separate lives. 

Strangers.

Scurrying about life together.  Which is okay if you really were strangers, but when you're not, you just don't want to be.  In marriage, we don't want to aim simply for togetherness, we aim for oneness.  And it's in the oneness that true life really happens. 

"To agree to disagree."  This band-aid plastered over underlying differences of opinions within the church has the same insidious affects as in a marriage.  In seeking to maintain that guise of harmonious relationship within the church, we often close ourselves off from hearing someone else's thoughts because they differ so greatly from our own age-old beliefs, that we inadvertently choose to cut off our destiny of growing, developing and maturing as disciples of Jesus.  In agreeing to disagree too quickly, we cut off communication before it begins, and we miss out on sharpening one another as iron to iron.  We miss out on our needed glimpse into a new facet of truth that we had never fathomed before, and most of all, we miss out on connecting our hearts from one to another and becoming more unified in Jesus.  We choose to be separate from each other.  We become strangers together who are unable to build His Kingdom.  We lack unity.  And it's in the unity that true life really happens.

I read a sermon recently which stated it like this, "Jesus was not afraid of conflict.  He turned conflicts into teaching opportunities.  When James and John asked for privileged status in the kingdom, the rest of the disciples became understandably angry. Jesus used the moment to talk about true leadership among God’s people. Conflict is our Christian tradition.  If it were not for conflict in the early church we would be missing much of the New Testament. Every time we read the letters of Paul, we can give thanks for conflict....If there had been no conflict among the early churches, Paul would not have needed to write the letters which help guide us in our faith today. Healthy conflict is a key ingredient in Christianity."

So let's talk.  And in the end, we may not agree on everything, but at least let's talk it out, share our ideas, listen, consider, change and be changed so that our hearts grow closer from our communion with one another rather than growing separate because we have agreed too quickly to disagree.  

a few years ago, i was asked to give a challenging message to a group of college students at my church.  i chose to share from luke 14.  a year later, i was asked to share at the navigators fellowship at ucsd.  i chose to share from luke 14 again.  maybe i challenged the students?  i don't know.  but it radically changed my life! 

the message went something like this:

They asked me to speak on the cost of discipleship tonight, but before I do that, I wanted to talk about salvation.  Salvation is free but discipleship will cost you everything.  [explain Romans Road]  In Jn 17:3, Jesus prays, "Now this is eternal life:  that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." 

What have you done with your eternal life?  Are you saving it up for later, or are you taking advantage of the fact that you could be enjoying it now?  Are you getting to know Christ more and more each day or are your thoughts of Him based off some general picture of Him that you have based off things people have told you? 

Tonight's topic is about the cost of discipleship, which I want to call, "Choose Your Own Adventure" -- because that's what it is.  After you become a Christian, you get to choose your own adventure:  i.e. whether or not you will have one.

Jesus makes some radical demands in the Bible, e.g. Jn 12:24, Lk 9:23, etc.  I believe that when we choose to follow Jesus' commands and be true disciples, we will find ourselves in the midst of adventure.  When we choose to not live radically, we will find ourselves in a hum-drum religion.  

There are many passages on what it means to be a true disciple, but let's look at Lk 14:25-33...   [sorry this part is just outline form; i'll try to fill in the gaps]

v. 25 - Jesus divides the crowd:  Don't be a people pleaser (most people who start drawing crowds begin to do and say things in order to draw bigger crowds; they'll even water down the message to do it.  but Jesus does the exact opposite!  he says crazy things like THE TRUTH in order to make his crowd smaller; he only wants the true disciples to follow Him, not just people who are in it for the blessings only.)

v. 26 - Hating family:  Who's your God?  Who do you fear the most?  Who do you love the most?  (if there was a decision to be made on who to obey - God vs. your parents - who wins?)  If you want to be a true disciple, you must love God more than anyone else and fear Him more than you fear anyone else.  cross reference to Mk 10:29-30.  Example from my life:  "tuition story"

v. 27 - Carry your cross:  Carry your death.  Live so radically for Him that you could die.  Live as if you were dead (not for yourself but for Him!!).  Live as if you've got nothing to lose - because you don't.  If you want to be a true disciple, live so radically for God that whether you're dead or alive, it's almost the same thing.  cross reference Lk 9:22-25.  Example from my life:  talking to strangers about the gospel (oh the scary thrill of it all!)

v. 28-32 - Count the Cost:  There are two analogies. 
- Analogy 1:  If you're gonna build something, you'd be a fool not to plan it out and count the cost.  Cuz if you didn't plan it, everyone in town will know.  You can't really hide half a building.  What a laughingstock you'd be!
- Analogy 2.  And if you're gonna go to war, you better scope it out ahead of time.  Is my army large enough?  Do I stand a chance?  If I only have 10,000 and he has 20,000, I better surrender now. 
- The two analogies urge us to ask two questions:  "What will it cost?"  and "Is it worth it?"  (Am I willing to pay the price?)  Do you want to be a true disciple?  Well, sit down and think about it first.  What is it gonna cost you?  The second analogy answers the questions.  It's gonna cost me everything... but it's worth it!  Because you've only got 1 in your army and God has 10 million, so you'd be a fool to surrender later, cuz you'll be slaughtered.  Better to do it now.  It's not worth it to oppose Him. 

v. 33 - Summing it up:  it'll cost you everything to be a disciple.

This is not an easy message to swallow.  Jesus doesn't mince words.  The call to discipleship will cost you everything.  It will cost you everything, everything, everything.  But it's worth it.  When we choose to follow God, we are choosing an adventure. 

Esau vs. Jacob.  (Gen 25, cont.)

Who was "worse" in this incident:  Jacob or Esau?  Jacob, who was greedy, coveting and taking what didn't belong to him?  Or Esau, who had no foresight whatsoever and allowed his flesh (his stomach) to rule his decision-making? 

Esau was definitely a fool.  Jacob didn't "deceive" him here; I mean, it's not like he made him sign a contract with fine print.  He made a "fair" trade; it was very upfront - stew for birthright.  It was Esau who was already deceived, in a sense.  He was totally blind to what he was really doing.  Was it just being rash?  Or maybe he just hadn't been listening to teaching - 'cause how could he miss the fact that his birthright meant more land, property, children and blessings entitled to him than he could count? What a fool!

But Jacob's pretty bad too.  Why was he grabbing for what didn't belong to him?  Maybe it began with envy.  Thievery always comes from greed, and greed comes from envy.  And envy is against God's law!

So one was a fool and one was thief.  But both had one thing in common.  Both let their flesh rule them.  So neither come out as winners.

Oh Lord, how I pray that You would keep me from allowing my flesh to rule me.  Keep me from being envious.  Keep me from being bitter.  Keep me from being a fool. 

Walking With God

"Enoch walked with God" (Gen 5:24) and that pleased God (Heb 11:5).  Noah was also described as one who "walked with God" (Gen 6:9), and he was, of course, the one man who was preserved when the rest of the earth was annihilated.  So there must be something to this "walking with God" business. But what exactly does it mean to walk with God?

I take a lot of walks.  In fact, this is the best looking walking spot that I've found in northern California.

I love going for a walk with a good friend.  The purpose of the activity is never a destination.  We've not ventured on this trail to rush to some destination!  We've chosen to take this path together to talk deeply, walk slowly, share our hearts, hash over issues and relish togetherness.  We walk casually, side by side, at the same pace, laugh and just enjoy. 

I think that's exactly what it means to walk with God.  We need to just walk beside Him, talk, listen, enjoy -- and even fall into comfortable silences, as good friends do!  With no sense of hurry.  This is exactly the kind of relationship I want with God. 

Lord, please teach me how to walk with you!  Cuz I know if I really engage in walking with you, pouring my heart out to you, hashing over issues and listening to You, it will keep me from evil.

I am so disturbed that there is so much evil in my heart.  I feel such a heightened awareness of it these days.  I am just like the wicked people that God wiped out in the days of Noah.  (Gen 6:5.)  My every inclination seems to be evil and unrighteousness.

Lord, how do I become more like the person described in Luke 6 and less like the people described in Genesis 6?  How much more wonderful and glorious it seems to love so much that you're able to even love your enemies!  Make me more like Thee, oh God, for to be like Thee is to know how to be truly free.

I don't think God was playing favorites when he looked on Abel's fat portions more favorably than on Cain's crop offerings.  God was not playing favorites!  But He knows what we don't know as we read about this event centuries later.  God knows Cain's heart!  Cain brought God the offering that was required, but he did not bring God his heart. 

Ever done that?  I know I have.  The scenario goes something like this:  Hrmm...I probably cherish this (whether it be a relationship or desire/dream or material object) more than I should and I probably cherish it more than God, so I should give it to Him.  Oh, but it's so good.  I love this thing.  All right, all right, I'll give it to God.  (So I do.)  Oh no, why did I have to give it up?  It was so great.  Why does God make me give up something good?  Doesn't He care about me?

To actually bring God your heart would require a full-out recognition that God is the best.  It's similar to when you have two options.  To choose one of the options is to say that you think that option is the best choice of the two. 

Here you have two options: 
1. Cherished Object
2. God 

So when you give something to God, it's not that you end up with empty hands and have nothing.  No.  What you are doing in giving up that thing is choosing God instead.  You are saying, "God is the best option here."  So what you have in your hands is God. 

When you believe that in faith ("in faith" because it looks like you have nothing but empty hands), then you have at last brought God both the offering He requires and your heart.  And your heart, by the way, is actually what He wanted all along.  Not the offering.

Court Appearance

So today I went to the courthouse because I had been ticketed for making an illegal U-Turn.  I felt really nervous.  I had gone back to that street recently and discovered, in fact, that the police officer wasn't lying and I really did make an illegal U-Turn.  I was guilty.

The waiting room was a wide, narrow hallway, with one row of chairs along one side.  Only a handful of folks got to sit; everyone else had to stand.  I saw two men in ties, a few students (one from Stanford), a few mom types and a bunch of scruffy looking men.  It made me wonder if these men really made more traffic violations or if they were more easily targeted by cops.  It was such a motley bunch. 

There was one rather grand looking door which served as the entrance into the courtroom.  We all waited for about an hour before we were called in.

As I waited, I wondered if there was a waiting room like this, post-mortem.  A random assortment of people, some looking quite dapper, some looking quite not, some looking like they belong in a court and some looking like they don't.  And yet all of us required to stand before the Judge because we were guilty of some crime or another.

I wasn't looking to argue or contest or plead.  After all, I was guilty.  So the question was, what would the judge do?

He called us up alphabetically, so I was near the end of the role call.  I got to watch cases A - N, before me.  The judge was a white-haired, white-wiskered older man.  And it turned out that it was his desire to give everyone mercy.  I was completely shocked as I watched him suspend sentences, lower fines and adjust the dates for people who did not have enough money to pay.  And while it was in his power to lower fines and extend dates, it was not within his power to let certain kinds of punishments off completely or neglect to add the extra $30 if you could not pay the fine right away.  But I could see that it would sometimes pain him when he had to add the $30 to those who already had no means to pay.  I could almost see him wince. 

He had compassion.  He had mercy.  But he was also just and fair. 

It was quite the eye-opening experience for me to see what it means for a Judge to be just and merciful at the same time.