My Wedding Day (Part 1)

I woke up this morning and realized that actually today is my wedding day.  Tonight, we are having the Vietnamese wedding ceremony.  And though it’s been on my schedule this whole time, it just never really occurred to me what it would really mean to don on the traditional “ao dai” which only means one thing — wedding, marriage, ceremony, celebration, the ushering in of something joyous and new — the beginning of new life, a new chapter, a new family, a new history.  Someone is wearing the red ao dai today, and this time it’s not going to be my aunts or some other woman, it’s going to be me.  Someone’s pouring wine and someone’s accepting red envelopes and jewelry, and that someone is me.  No watching from the outside – this time, it’s going to be me…

Father, thank you for this day you created, this day you knew about from before time began.  I want to stand and worship you.

wedding planning angst

i keep wavering between insisting on elements for the wedding based on some ideal “wedding-of-my-dreams” that i unknowingly developed over the years to having the most bare-minimum cut-out-all-the-nonessentials and stick-to-what’s-practical wedding.  like today i decidedly put back a box of silk petals for the aisle runner after i asked myself, “is it really worth it to spend this money on these petals?  do i need a trail of flowers to line my path?  is this *really* important to me?”  but then i, for some reason, wanted to insist that my dad have a sharp black suit to walk me down the aisle.  black and not dark gray.  i’ve tossed out the idea of party favors (who needs another bag of mints or magnet of us on their fridge (wait til we go overseas for the latter)) — but i am insisting that sam & i learn at least the box-step for our first dance rather than swaying back and forth like junior highers.  i can almost hear him groaning inwardly sometimes when i insist on certain things my way.  and then sometimes when i’m met with resistance, i want to give it all up completely.  at first it’s just pouty resignation, “oh well, i guess it doesn’t really matter.  none of it matters anyway.”  and then it’s perspective, “oh yeah, it’s not life or death.”  and i realize that i’ve somehow fallen back into insisting on having the wedding-of-my-dreams.  but what’s really important anyway?  what’s really important?  i know i need to keep asking that question.

sometimes it’s a matter of tradition (wearing a beautiful white dress).  it’s a matter of symbolism (having the veil over my face).  it’s a matter of something i’ve always dreamed of (having a first dance in perfect harmony and romance – like fred astaire). 

sometimes it’s a matter of materialism (a limo, decadent flowers, candles all aglow, formal attire).  and it’s a battle between the world’s opinion of what weddings ought to be and God’s.  it’s a battle between putting myself & sam on display and putting our God on display.  what will it be?  what’s really important?  what’s really important?

and i hope hope hope that the answer will always be Jesus.  [so cut out the nonessentials, mary ann, and keep focused!]

A Hymn of Grateful Praise

In about a month, I am walking down the aisle — not as a bridesmaid yet again — but as a bride.  I’m walking down the aisle in the church I grew up in.  Maybe it’s not the most breathtaking venue for a wedding — it’s not cathedral-like and seeminly lacks grandeur — but I have seen Him in this sanctuary and beheld His power and His glory (Psalm 63).  I made a public proclamation to folllow Jesus in this sanctuary – baptized under water.  And over the years, I have shared testimony after testimony of God’s glory in my life from the platform of this sanctuary.  And so it would be fitting for me to make a public proclamation of my covenant with God and with Sam in this same sanctuary.

I’m walking down the aisle to a lovely hymn which is a perfect expression of my heart.  It goes like this:

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the beauty of each hour,
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon, and stars of light.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For Thyself, best gift divine,
To our race so freely given;
For that great, great love of Thine,
Peace on earth and joy in heaven.

The earth that God created is so beautiful to me.  The love that He has given us – is so beautiful to me.  Love toward us and love for each other.  And so I just want to lift to Him this hymn of grateful praise as I walk down the aisle.

Deuteronomy on “marriage”

“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty placed on him.  For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”  Deut 24:5

This is actually the second instance of Scripture I noticed in my reading of Deut where allowance was made for the priority of marriage over the duties of a soldier.  (Check out Deut 20:7)  Marriage must be really important to God!

But what really strikes me about this verse is the latter half.  In a completely patriarchal society, one would expect for the exhortation to be “so that his wife can bring him happiness” — but instead, the opposite is being commanded.  Why do you think?

To me, it reveals that the idea of marriage being created for the enjoyment of both husband and wife is NOT a new man-made (or “woman”-made) idea.  I think the tendency in that society was for the men to live like it was all about them*, so, in light of that, perhaps God needed to spell it out plainly that it was important to Him that the husbands sought after bringing happiness to their own wives.  –which, I think, is really something!

*if we read all the stories about the patriarchs/men of the Bible, it would seem that they made all the decisions — wise ones for their families and also not-so-wise-ones to save their own neck or to satisfy their desires & makes themselves happy – even to take more than one woman (slave/concubine), even though that wasn’t how God wanted things

I was journaling one morning about two months after Sam & I started dating, and I was inspired to write this poem.  It’s funny because I don’t write poems, they just write themselves.  I just happen to be the one holding the pen.  And this one, I’m certain, was inspired by God.  It came true!

taken by surprise (written on Oct 14, 2005)

i had a way of doing things -
i’d read my books and study my Bible
and memorize my verses
and run my mile.

i’d disciple my girls
and love my own lost,
and i’d follow Jesus anywhere (alone)
no matter what the cost.

i was planning for singlehood
for the rest of my life,
never thought i’d change tracks
to be “somebody’s” wife.

i had gone to mt. moriah
and offered “marriage” there,
an object that i cherised,
but God said, “you can spare.”

the ram that He provided
was “singleness” instead.
“get ready, my darling daughter,
for soon you will be wed!”

what shock and surprise
and utter amazement,
i’m standing in awe
with no abatement.

God took me by surprise -
i’m scrambling to adjust
to receive what He has given
and live a new way of trust.

now i must plan for something different?
now i must change the i’s to we’s?
now marriage & missions are together?
how in the world can this be?

i’m falling for him,
this man of the Word.
how we fit together -
oh, Lord, You heard!

oh heart’s desires
and whispered dreams -
how lofty and ideal
and impossible it seemed.

but You are God Almighty
and Father of all.
Your greatest desire is
to withhold nothing at all!

oh Love supreme,
there’s none better but You.
i know it better now
and give my life to worship You!

(some of you requested to see) The Ring

It really is the most gorgeous ring I have ever seen.  But more than that, it is a symbol of Sam’s love and commitment to me, which includes sacrifice.  I know he spent everything he had on it because he wanted to give me the best and most precious.  It’s such a tangible and personalized example, to me, of Christ’s sacrificial love for us… 

(these pictures don’t give it justice! you’ll have to see it in person!)

The Proposal

I was going to spend the rest of the Sunday afternoon vegging on the sofa but Sam seemed to have another idea, “Go change out of church clothes,” he said.  “Let’s go out.”  He had very clear instructions for me, “Jeans and Simple shoes.” 

We got into his car and he drove me toward the ocean.  We ended up at La Jolla Cove.  Once we parked, Sam popped the trunk and took out his guitar.  He said, “Thought we could worship a little.”  I nodded happily in agreement.

We had been there together about three months earlier, and Sam had carved our names into a side of a cliff – “Sam ‘n’ Mary Ann.”  So as we wandered around along the cliffs, I wondered aloud, “I wonder if our names are still there.  Do you think it’ll still be there after the rains?”  Sam casually responded, “I don’t know.  Let’s go see.”

As we approached that cliff, I could see very clearly that our names were still there.  They looked freshly carved and underneath the words “Sam <3 Mary Ann” were the letters “WYMM.”  It only took me a few seconds to register that the letters meant, “Will You Marry Me” but I walked up to examine the letters more closely anyway.

Sam then said, “I feel a song coming on.”  I turned around to him and saw him get on his knee, with guitar in hand… and he started playing/singing this cute song to me.  Meanwhile, the setting sun over the waters provided the perfect backdrop for the moment.  When he finished his song, he pulled a little jewelry box out of his pocket.  He said, “I love you” to me for the first time that night and then, “Mary Ann, I want to be with you the rest of my life.  I’m stuck on you; will you be stuck on me, too?  WYMM stands for… Will You Marry Me?”  I whispered, ”Yes,” and then he slipped the most gorgeous ring on my finger.  I gave him a hug and then we scrambled to the top of the cliff to catch the rest of the sunset. I don’t remember much of that sunset though; we were too enraptured by the moment to care about a sun that goes down every single day.

We had dinner at a restaurant near the coast, then spent some time praying together over the water’s edge, called his family and then announced it to my family.  The night was made complete when my dad shook Sam’s hand and said, “Welcome to the family.”  Crazy!

I still can’t believe that I’m getting married!!

For Sam’s side of the story, click here. 
For the beginnings of our story, click here.

for our sixth month courtship anniversary,
                                   i gave sam my hand…

and he gave me a ring! 

We’re getting married!!!!!

That happened to be the topic at the AACF I visited on Friday night as well as today at MPPC.  Pastor Doug today mentioned a student movement called True Love Waits.  Students can make pledges that they will wait til they get married before having sex.  He mentioned that since the movement started, about 2 million students have made the pledge – but that only 12% have kept it.  What?  That means 88% have lost to the temptation.  Yikes!  What a saddening statistic.  I’m amazed and thankful that I have been able to keep my promise…

But wait.  Did I make the commitment?  I’ve always thought I did.  But during service today, it hit me that when we were doing the True Love Waits commitment at our Christian club when I was in high school, I did not make the commitment.  I didn’t want to.  (gasp)  I thought it sounded like a “nice” idea, but to wait that long… hrmm…..

I was not a Christian at that time.  I had started going to the Christian club my junior year in high school for fun.  And giving up sex til marriage did not sound like fun.  But what I didn’t realize back then was saving sex just for marriage is where the fun is at.   

I probably would’ve laughed at myself if I had known that there would be a day that I would be so gung-ho about purity.  But I am today.  There is so much more freedom to being passionate about purity than there was to being enslaved to sex and the idea of sex.  These days I spontaneously pray, “Lord, please keep me pure.”  The more I have been able to embrace the freedom in Christ in the area of purity, the more I want to be more pure.  I can’t believe how amazing and wonderful and thrilling it is to be pure…