I've been asked a few times recently if Sam & I have had our first fight yet.  It makes me laugh.  Is it actually possible for any couple to have gone from friendship to dating to marriage and not have any conflicts at all?  Any couple who claims they haven't had any riffs make me wonder if they have ever talked about anything important at all ever.  To not have conflict because we think it's better to let things slide even though they really do matter to us and to agree to disagree is, in reality, to agree to be separate.  You go your way.  I'll go my way.  And very quickly, you have two separate people living two separate lives. 

Strangers.

Scurrying about life together.  Which is okay if you really were strangers, but when you're not, you just don't want to be.  In marriage, we don't want to aim simply for togetherness, we aim for oneness.  And it's in the oneness that true life really happens. 

"To agree to disagree."  This band-aid plastered over underlying differences of opinions within the church has the same insidious affects as in a marriage.  In seeking to maintain that guise of harmonious relationship within the church, we often close ourselves off from hearing someone else's thoughts because they differ so greatly from our own age-old beliefs, that we inadvertently choose to cut off our destiny of growing, developing and maturing as disciples of Jesus.  In agreeing to disagree too quickly, we cut off communication before it begins, and we miss out on sharpening one another as iron to iron.  We miss out on our needed glimpse into a new facet of truth that we had never fathomed before, and most of all, we miss out on connecting our hearts from one to another and becoming more unified in Jesus.  We choose to be separate from each other.  We become strangers together who are unable to build His Kingdom.  We lack unity.  And it's in the unity that true life really happens.

I read a sermon recently which stated it like this, "Jesus was not afraid of conflict.  He turned conflicts into teaching opportunities.  When James and John asked for privileged status in the kingdom, the rest of the disciples became understandably angry. Jesus used the moment to talk about true leadership among God’s people. Conflict is our Christian tradition.  If it were not for conflict in the early church we would be missing much of the New Testament. Every time we read the letters of Paul, we can give thanks for conflict....If there had been no conflict among the early churches, Paul would not have needed to write the letters which help guide us in our faith today. Healthy conflict is a key ingredient in Christianity."

So let's talk.  And in the end, we may not agree on everything, but at least let's talk it out, share our ideas, listen, consider, change and be changed so that our hearts grow closer from our communion with one another rather than growing separate because we have agreed too quickly to disagree.  

the new believers with nothing in the world to fear.  We had discovered the treasure, the love and the grace of God, and it burned like a fire in our hearts, and we would throw back our heads and run with a passion through the fields of forgiveness and grace, we carried the eternal flame with an undying hope and blazing conviction of a truth that would never fade..."  (- Steven Curtis Chapman)

When I first became a Christian, I grew up in an environment where anything was possible.  I guess it helped that my friends were children of dreamers -- who dreamed up a church and made it happen -- and they too were dreamers -- who carried on the belief that the sky's-not-even-the-limit when it came to following God.  Anything was possible.  God could call you to anything.  You could be equipped by Him to do anything.  There were no limits.  And because our church was young at that time, there was also none of the usual red-tape when it came to feeling called to exercise our gifts or explore a new vision that God was giving us for serving Him. 

If He was calling you to do visitations (visit people and encourage them and pray for them), then do it (even if you were a new believer and were still a little apprehensive about praying out loud -- that was me).  If He was calling you to organize a girl's retreat (even though that had never been done before) or start a small group (even though you had never been in one before) or be an advisor to the youth group (even though you had only been a Christian for one and a half years and just fresh out of youth group) or...or...or...TEACH girls and guys (high school, college, ooooh....), then do it.  If God calls  you to do it, then do it. 

In that kind of environment, I realized my potential as a servant of God.  In that kind of environment, I was able to try out the myriad of aspects of ministries and discover my giftings.  And it's in that kind of environment that I believe all churches should be.    

The last thing I had remembered our English pastor at that time saying to us before he left was that we ought to be like the Bereans who always examined the Scriptures to see what God had to say in a matter.  I guess my formative years as a believer (and still today) consisted mostly of examining for myself what the Scriptures had to say rather than accepting what another said to me -- even if they had a PhD, D.Min, Th.M or whatever other letters that supposedly signify that they know something.  What does God say?

The more I search the Scriptures and the more I search God's heart, the more I believe that with God, anything is possible.  Yes, I believe that it's possible that God could call women to teach and to preach.  Yes, I believe that God could call women to be pastors. 

I feel most alive when I teach.  Just like I know our wedding photographer feels alive when he takes pictures and Dave felt alive when he played piano worship to the Lord the other night and my friend Joann when she dances for the Lord.  I feel alive when I can connect others to the truths and insights that the Lord has revealed to me.  I feel alive when they understand. 

I can't teach from the pulpit, so I write my heart out -- to connect you to truth.  If God had not called me to teach, then wouldn't He make my teaching (through writing here, for example) ineffective?  Have I been ineffective?  Then I will stop writing, I will stop teaching.  To say that women cannot teach men is to say that somehow my femaleness makes the insights God has given me invalid.  To say women cannot teach men -- would it then nullify all that I have taught and the ways that I have encouraged the men who have chosen to listen in the last decade? 

There have been many instances, but this one incidence captures them all:  Sometime after college, I was asked to teach in a large group setting for college students -- but then I was discouraged by a brother who had a say in the matter.  He said he was not comfortable with me teaching -- although he would allow it if he could introduce me and it was clear that there was male headship and if we would say that I was "sharing" rather than "teaching".  I felt the loss of his support of me as a leader among our sheep like a punch in the gut.  And where, in that instance, I could've spoken with confidence and authority, I balked; my confidence waned; I lost my "voice" and became soft - like the wind was knocked out of my sails.  And when it was all said and done, it was God that I believe I disappointed -- not because I stood in front of others and "taught" -- but because I did not preach the message He gave me with the authority to which He empowered me.  I can't tell you how painful it is for me to think of it. 

When we become "mature" grownups, life seems to become so complicated.  Structure, protocol, dogmas, doctrines, rules and regulations, forms, applications, and traditions overtake our lives and our religion, and we forget to be those children running through the fields with an undying passion and blazing conviction to do anything, anything for God.  And, I think, God is able to use us so far, far less when we cease to be the dreamers -- who allow others to be dreamers -- with nothing in the world to fear.   And we all lose out.