August 6, 2010

  • A writer, all along

    I didn't always know that I would become a writer.  My dad, on the other hand, always had a sense that I would.  I know because of the many times he would tell me not to become one while I was growing up. The funny thing was that I wasn't intending to become one at all.  My dad's discouragements did not go unheard.  His admonitions made it clear to me that being a writer was not a glamorous job.  I understood that a very small percentage of people write bestsellers, and of those who are regularly employed for writing, the pay is dismal (compared to other noble professions such as being a doctor).  My plan had always been to earn my living through something practical and then write on the side.  But then the older I got, the more I realized what my dad had known all along -- I loved  had to write. 

    Of course, this didn't change my plan.  I was en route to becoming a doctor -- and nothing was going to change that --

    except Jesus. 

    When Jesus entered the picture, my perspective on everything became more focused.  Becoming a doctor had never been my idea.  It wasn't even what I wanted to do.  What did I want to do?  I didn't know, but I hoped that God would put me on a path where I could make a lot of money.

    That lasted about two seconds. 

    "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy...But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven..."  The purpose of my life pivoted on this very verse.  I began to ask myself questions like -- How can I orient my life in such a way that I only invest in the things that last forever?  God, what's your will for my life?  God, how can I use my gifts for you?

    Before I became a Christian, I spent all my time weaving together stories -- stories of a world and a life that was better than the one I knew.  After I became a Christian, I started living a life better than the stories I could write.  I have since been swept along by a new current -- one that beckons -- no, more than that -- urges me to voice God's revelations to me.  I began to recognize that writing was a gift He had given me, and I had to use it for Him.

    Having given up my old ambitions of pouring my life into a career simply for the sake of earning money, I was released to dream new dreams.  God gave me new dreams.  And these are the dreams that He has been fulfilling.  And when God fulfills my dreams, I am filled with a sense of awe.  I am awed because when dreams come true in my life, that means God is keeping His promise to me.

    It was about four years ago that God confirmed in rapid-fire succession that He wanted me to pursue my writing.  I was cynical and in disbelief.  That's probably why He had to tell me four times in four different  ways.  It was hard to deny as a result of that.  But having come out of that encounter with God, I was instantaneously slapped with a deathly silence.  I had no inspiration to write.  Four years of wandering ensued, in which I went from writing little to none at all.  At the end of it, I looked back and realized that the wandering wasn't actually wandering after all. Those years were purposely given to me in order for me to heal, process, redefine and regroup; it was in order for me to have something to write about; and it was in order for me to feel confident to write about it.

    Recently, some things have really begun falling into place.  Dreams are bubbling out over the top.  I have been zeroing in on my writing.  Profusely.  And then this and that and another thing happened, and I found myself being offered a job to write.  I've never tried ghostwriting before, but it has been a new aspect of writing that I am enjoying developing.  My first paycheck the other week was tangible evidence of God's confirmation to me.  More than money, all of this is God making His dreams come true in me. 

    And one day I will publish a book.  I know it will happen, not because I am driven by the ambition to be famous, but because I am driven by the passion to write.  It's not only that, but it's also because God has impressed on my heart that He will give me stories to write and revelations to unveil.  It's the dream He's given me.  And because of that, I'm confident that He will make it a reality. 

    Ultimately, I've come to really grasp that getting compensation for writing is not what makes me a writer.  It's God who has made me one.  And maybe that's why my dad always knew it.  It's because I had always been a writer, all along.