January 23, 2009
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Limitations
Lately, I feel like Jesus is standing outside the door of my home. He's not inside; he's outside. I don't pray because it doesn't seem like He will answer, but I do pray because deep down I do believe that it makes a difference if I don't. The unbelief comes because I have been praying for all these weeks for Him to relieve me of my nausea or at least lessen it -- but to no avail. Daily, I feel beat by my body and all of its limitations. I dream about shedding this tent and receiving that glorious, resurrected body which Paul speaks of -- one which will not weigh me down nor hinder me from living. Other women resume life as if life wasn't developing rapidly within their bodies. They push through whatever sickness they might be feeling and continue their work and exercise and play. But as for me, it has been like I had to get off the train and sit on the bench and watch the train roar rapidly by. Real life has come to a screeching halt. Yet the days seem to blur together with morning sickness lasting 24 hours rather than a few hours before noon and consisting mainly of sleeping, trying to eat something and throwing up. So it's been hard to keep praying when nothing seems to change. It's been easy to wonder if God is really there or if He really cares. And yet I know He does. I know He's not a God who stands outside my door but stands right here in the middle of my heart. I just need a reminder of His breath of life upon me.
Comments (7)
hope you feel better!
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. Psalm 139:8
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16
God is there with you and He knows what you're going through. Please feel better.
It'll be over soon!
No need to feel bad about not being able to resume 'life' because of your morning sickness. Every one has a different body and every pregnancy experience is different.
@tareshannon - It's actually pretty normal. Dr.s are only really concerned if you vomit 5 times a day and can't keep ANY food down. So all I can do is wait for it to pass.
Oh man. That's so hard.
Maybe - and this is just a thought - He's trying to remind you that all life comes with a price - the life we have now in Christ, came through His suffering and death - just as your child's life will come through your suffering.
Or maybe - thorn in the flesh?
I hope you get better soon!
Please take care and my prayers are with you. =)
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