November 19, 2008

• I love Sam

  I had a dream last night that I was sitting on a wall with Sam.  I had a long, skinny branch in my hand, so I drew a really big heart in the sand.  And then I wrote in it, “I  Sam.” 

  I love Sam.  Before we were married, there were definitely some moments when I wondered if I was really sure about it.  Do I really love Sam?  Was it the for-the-rest-of-my-life kind of love?  I had been swept along by what God had been doing for all those months.  There were traces of His hand all over the bringing of us together –but did I really love Sam? 

  I have since come to understand that there was no way I could really know what it means to love him on that side of the commitment of marriage.  Love and commitment are inextricably tied together.  With every conversation, argument, debate and experience together, we are forging deeper meaning to love.  Love is all those moments piled up on top of each other of:  “I don’t agree with you, you don’t agree with me, but we are going to keep talking about it until we agree.”  “I’m so mad at you, I want to be as far from you as possible, but I will hold your hand, sit close to you and talk it out until I stop being mad.”  “This is so hard, so terrible, so painful, but God has called us to do this, so let’s keep doing this together.”  Love is having moments like those and choosing to push forward together every time — rather than apart.  This is what it means to love, and we proclaim it and add more definition to it every time we make these choices of commitment to each other, knowing that there is no other choice to choose and no other choice we’d rather choose.

  I love Sam.  And though I do not know it fully after 2 years and 3 months of marriage, I do know it truly.

  • 7:43 pm
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