October 20, 2008

• Never Again ?

  It’s our last night with “Caleb” – after 10 very exhausting and extremely intense days.  The marathon of sleepless nights plus an incessantly crying baby made me feel at times like I was being tortured on purpose.  Aside from sleep deprivation, I think the most challenging part of caring for him was feeding him.  Poor little baby often let out shrieking cries during his feedings because of really painful gas.  At least twice, his gas was so bad and his crying was so loud and long that I had to put him down and walk away in despair for a moment because I couldn’t help him.  And sometimes, he would just cry for no discernible reason at all.  So I found myself multiple times staring at the glaring reality that I have a very limited supply of patience and am in desperate need for God to make me more slow to anger as He is. 

  It has been just plain hard.  Even Sam lost his patience and got so tired and frustrated that he was “mad at him” for a whole day. 

  As a result, we decided, announced, and proclaimed to each other several times during the course of the week that this was the last time.  We are never doing this again.  We just can’t!  Foster parenting + seminary classes and everything else is way too difficult to handle all at the same time.  The gray hair on my head has notably multiplied!!

  And yet, it’s funny how much I love him.  This helpless little baby who is incapable of doing anything to help himself.  (He has the cutest “pitiful” cry.)

  At church today, Pastor Jaimie talked about the commitment to care for the poor and needy as if they are family as well as the commitment to care regardless of the cost.  Sam whispered to me, “That‘s why we’re fostering.  We should keep doing it.”  All week long, he had only been thinking about how much of our time, effort and energy it takes to foster but not as much about the reason we are fostering and what we are saving these children from. 

  “The root issue for a colicky baby could be from knowing that he is unwanted,” said our doctor-friend today who believes that medical problems are usually spiritually rooted.  I think he might be right.  And
  as Caleb’s foster parents for the time-being, we have the opportunity as well as the authority to speak truth into his life – to tell him that he is wanted, that God made him perfectly and
  lovingly, etc.  And we can pray a blessing over him so that he could experience joy, peace, love and security… 

  After having two foster kids in our lives, I am gaining more perspective.  One day not too long from now, little “Caleb” and little “Allie” (I’ve decided to give our first baby a fictitious name too to prevent confusion when I write and refer to her) will be walking around on this earth somewhere as adults contributing to society!  Our investment in these short snippets of time in these babies’
  lives can produce a profound impact on them forever.   

  The cost of the investment, though, is high.  But, in the end, I guess we’re deciding again that maybe we’ll do it again.

  • 2:02 am
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