September 21, 2008
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Moving Past the F
This past week, I realized again that the only way for me to have an intimate relationship with God is through pure honesty. The best way to “pure honesty” is to ask myself…
- What am I anxious about today?
Beneath the anxiety, in my heart of hearts, what I’m really saying is, “Sure You’re sovereign over everything, Lord…but except for this one thing, and I doubt you can help me with that.” The unconscious, unverbalized anxiety translates to a lack of trust in God. It is this belief that God is impotent in this one or that one little area that keeps me from really trusting Him. Without trust, I am hard-pressed to actually gain intimacy.- What impure thought or act have I had/done which makes me feel guilty or in need of hiding from God?
Somehow, bringing it to the light and confessing it to Him robs it of its power, of its ugliness, of the guilty-shame. The claiming of 1 John 1:9 really is so freeing.- In what ways have I fallen short of a standard that has made me feel bad about myself?
And as I identify it, I must follow up with asking, Is it God’s standard (if so, confess it and be freed from it) or is it my standard (if so, acknowledge it before God, realize it’s not His standard and be freed from it).- In what ways have I been prideful or judgmental – speaking critically or condescendingly toward or about another?
To do so is to view people from a worldly point of view rather than Christ’s. To do so, is to set myself up higher than others, to separate myself from them, and to create walls of isolation from them. And from God.- In what ways have I been unkind or treated someone in a manner that falls short of their value as one created in God’s image?
I need to fess up, promise to love with God’s love, and keep moving forward.I hate failure. Whenever I feel like I’ve sinned or fallen short of some standard (whether it’s mine or God’s), I get so frustrated and disappointed with myself. It’s like I think that ‘messing up’ means that I’ve gotten an F on a test. And though I could try to make it up, the F doesn’t get deleted from my record. I might be able to make it up to a C, but not an A. And I want the A. I don’t want the F! This feeling makes me want to run and hide instead of bringing it before God. And it’s easy to push away this little thing or that little thing, trying to trick myself to believe that it’s little so it doesn’t matter, but every little thing does matter. Together, it adds up to a whole lot of things, and that’s how I end up building a wall against God. But I don’t want to build a wall; I want intimacy. And intimacy comes from honesty. So I’ve gotta, just gotta, talk over and give over every little thing to God and invite His input in every single aspect of my life.
