March 31, 2008
-
Family Ideals
As Sam and I approach parenthood (see Sam’s post from today), we’ve been thinking a lot about how we want things to look like. One thing I realize is that my list is mostly based on things I really loved about my childhood or appreciate as I look back or based on things that I wish it had been more like… I think we all have these lists. What’s one or two things on your list — please share with me something that I could add to my ever-growing list.
Things I loved from my childhood that I’d like to do the same:
- Go to the park on weekends – ride bike, play different sports together as a family
- Play boardgames together
- Eat dinner together as a family every night and have a “no tv during dinner” rule
- Have the “always volunteer and pitch in where needed” rule for chores for the kids (but differ in that “Dad” won‘t be the exception to the rule in our house)
- “Less is more” with toys (less toys means more room for creativity and imagination)
- No fear of lack of food or shelter or that “Mom & Dad” will take care of things
- Take kids to the library and let them check out as many books as they wantThings I’d do differently:
- More affirmation
- More affection – hugs and kisses and “I love you”s
- Open conversation and communication, dialogue and discussion (kids have a say and their opinions will be valued and considered)
- Children are allowed to run around and laugh, have lotsa fun and even be loud sometimes
- Parents will say sorry to kids and admit when they are wrong
- Friends will be welcomed to come over — and not have to feel like intruders
- Kids will be encouraged to explore every gift or talent (music, art, writing, sports) while they are younger and to dream big dreams of all they might do to follow God and honor what gifts He’s given them as they grow older and mature into the men and women of God He created them to be
- Christ will be the center of our home and Lord of our lives (not money, safety, security, material things nor traditionalism, culture or ‘what others might think of us’)[Edit] I just found this list from June 9, 2000 called “Notes for Future Family”
- No TV, arrange sofas to face each other to promote conversation
- Build relationships with children’s teachers, know schcool activities, be involved
- Go to my kids’ games and plays
- Put notes in their school lunches
- Let them do what they dream of (music, dance, etc)
- Share my stories with them (past failures, mistakes, “crushes”, everything)
- Keep house open to all friends
- Read to them; take them to the library
- Reaffirm them after disciplining them
- Say sorry
- Be supportive; give good reasons and explanations (don’t just say “because I said so”)
- Be consistent
- Give them room to fail
- Make hot drinks for my kids’ friends on cold days — even when they’re 22!
Comments (5)
Thing I’d do the same:
Go for walks together along the beach on summer nights, after everyone else has gone home.
Thing I’d do differently:
Parents unafraid to confront one another and talk out their issues.
I love this post! You have so many good ideas!
Additional things I’d love to do:
Show my children how much their parents are in love
Communicate openly, and model how to disagree & work out conflict
GREAT ideas, and so awesome that you’ve reflected on the past for both good things and things to improve on
I resonate with a lot of the ideas you’ve listed. I also agree with cbythesea on her additional ideas too! I would add: Model patience, consistency with who we are at home and outside, encourage deep, thoughtful dinner conversation and awareness of current events, teach kids how to manage money well (huge deficiency in our educational system) and be a good steward of what we have been given no matter how much or little!
oh and computer in family room, encourage hanging out together in family room even if doing different things
Some great memories: Reading a book/story before bed EVERY night, family Bible reading and prayer time, bike riding together, canoeing during family vacations, swimming at the community pool.