August 4, 2006
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I just found this entry I wrote on Oct 1, 2005 which I never posted publicly. It seems fitting to post it now — when there’s a face to the name ”future husband.”
The Test for an Unfaithful Wife
Numbers 5:5-10. When you wrong another person, you are being unfaithful to God. How I treat others is a reflection of how I feel about God. Do I fear God? If so, then I would honor and respect others.
Nu 5:11-31. If a husband feels jealous and suspects that his wife is cheating on him, he can bring her before a priest and he can place a curse on her. If she is indeed guilty of cheating on her husband, she will receive a curse of bitter suffering.
Interesting. But you know, even if the priest didn’t perform that ceremony, wouldn’t this woman feel the curse of bitter suffering anyway? — out of guilt and shame? How would it be possible for a woman to cheat on her husband without feeling plagued by guilt – so much so that it’d eat her alive?
What would induce a woman to cheat on her husband anyway? I don’t think a woman in a fulfilling marriage would wake up one morning and say, “My marriage is so wonderful and my husband so amazing, today, I think I will cheat on him.” Highly unlikely. I think a woman would only cheat on her husband if he did not treasure her rightly. A woman who is treasured would never cheat on her husband. There’s this funny need in women to feel special, valued, chosen and cherished by their man. Just as there’s this funny need in men to feel respected and needed by their woman.
I hope that I will always have eyes for nobody else but my husband, the one I will have made a commitment to. I want to pray that God would keep me blind to all the other men on the face of this earth – once I have made such a vow. I want to live so much above reproach that I would never give my husband cause to feel suspicious and jealous of anyone. I never want to put him in that position, and I never want to be put in that position; so I want to pray also that my future husband would have eyes only for me, that because I love him and respect him so well, he wouldn’t see anyone else and that he’d be so driven to honor me that he’d live so above reproach that it would never give me cause for alarm.
But even so, I know only God can promise forever. And only God can make us faithful.
I remember high school. You like someone (you feel the fluttering on your insides and a wash of desire), you flirt, you get into boyfriend/girlfriend status, you hold hands and kiss, you promise forever, but then the feelings go away and you break up. That’s high school! When we get older, does it change? Does age = maturity? No, I don’t think it does. Something else must happen for maturity to take place – maturity and therefore ability to commit.
Commitment. Man is faulty and oftentimes unfaithful, how is it possible for any of us to entrust our hearts to another? Even with God saying, “Trust me” and “you can trust this other because you can trust me”, it’s still difficult. It makes it way the more less scary when God’s behind it all - and yet, it still is. My question is – how in the world do those who do not have the backing and shielding of the God of the universe do it?
God is the true promise-keeper. He is the only faithful one. His passion never wanes. He will be committed forever, and that’s a guarantee. His love satisfies. And I believe we can bank our hearts on that.
