July 27, 2006

• Our Story, cont.

  When we last left off here, I had asked, “Is Sam really the one you have for me, Lord?”

  Settling

  It’s amazing how ready God is to answer our questions and address our fears – even the ones that we don’t know that we have.  More imminent than finding out whether Sam was the one or not was my need to make the shift in mindset from “single missionary” to “married missionary”.  And that was what God wanted to tackle first.

  In the last few years prior to meeting Sam, I had become convinced that marriage and missions were mutually exclusive for me.  It had been a long journey of putting on the altar of sacrifice that which I desired most — “marriage”.  Growing up, I had always dreamed longingly of a whirlwind romance, and after I had become a Christian, romance was superceded by ideals of a dynamic partnership of being “better together for God than apart.”  But even so, if it really had to come down to it, I would choose missions over marriage any day – a conclusion that was tested half a dozen times.  Over and over again, I had to consider whether I really was called to be a missionary – because if not, then I could date and marry Billy, Joe, Bob… 

  Which I almost did.  And that would’ve been settling.  Settling doesn’t mean ending up with a loser.  You could end up with a good Christian who was a leader in a church but still be settling.  You settle any time you choose the path that God hasn’t made for you.  But sometimes it’s easier to choose the good that is right in front of you than the “best” which you can’t see, taste or touch.  It requires faith of the truest kind to be so certain of what we do not see that we would disengage from what we’ve wrapped our arms around and then wrap it around God alone. 

  I had done this very thing the previous fall — which left me resigned to believing that I had given up marriage for good.  If this great Christian guy whom I had been dating did not have the same dreams and passions that God was calling me to, then how in the world could it be possible that there would be anyone like me in the world at all?  It seemed like a lost cause.

  And though I had chosen well, I quickly became bitter.  God, why can’t I have both missions and marriage?  My heart ached and ached. 

  “It wasn’t for nothing, Mary Ann.  Whenever you let go of the good that you hold onto, you don’t end up with nothing.  You end up with Me.”  I think it was then at the beginning of 2005 when I really understood this that my life began to take a different turn.  Because I had God, I had everything.  Truly, I had everything!   

  Soon after, I read the story of how God brought Rebekah and Isaac together.  While reading, I felt God’s breath giving life to the words, speaking directly to my heart.  “Oh, could it be?” (A twinge of hope was rising.)  But then, “That’s impossible.”  (Seemed too sweet a promise to be mine.)  But when I read it, it felt almost like God was giving me a promise.  So why not?  Why not pray for a husband?  God desires for us to live in hope, not in resignation.

  So I prayed that God would make me the woman He wanted me to be, to be in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, “right with God”, so that I might be the answer to someone else’s prayer.  (Just like Rebekah was.)  That was it.  That was all I needed to do:  be right with God, living and breathing at the center of His will, and His blessings and favor would pour out.  I knew that praying that kind of prayer and living that kind of life was the only place of joy. 

  And God answered.  He put me in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing – and it brought me so much joy.  And it was in the midst of all this joyful walking on air that God brought Sam into my line of sight. 
  

  For more of our story, click here.
  

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