July 15, 2006
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wedding planning angst
i keep wavering between insisting on elements for the wedding based on some ideal “wedding-of-my-dreams” that i unknowingly developed over the years to having the most bare-minimum cut-out-all-the-nonessentials and stick-to-what’s-practical wedding. like today i decidedly put back a box of silk petals for the aisle runner after i asked myself, “is it really worth it to spend this money on these petals? do i need a trail of flowers to line my path? is this *really* important to me?” but then i, for some reason, wanted to insist that my dad have a sharp black suit to walk me down the aisle. black and not dark gray. i’ve tossed out the idea of party favors (who needs another bag of mints or magnet of us on their fridge (wait til we go overseas for the latter)) — but i am insisting that sam & i learn at least the box-step for our first dance rather than swaying back and forth like junior highers. i can almost hear him groaning inwardly sometimes when i insist on certain things my way. and then sometimes when i’m met with resistance, i want to give it all up completely. at first it’s just pouty resignation, “oh well, i guess it doesn’t really matter. none of it matters anyway.” and then it’s perspective, “oh yeah, it’s not life or death.” and i realize that i’ve somehow fallen back into insisting on having the wedding-of-my-dreams. but what’s really important anyway? what’s really important? i know i need to keep asking that question.
sometimes it’s a matter of tradition (wearing a beautiful white dress). it’s a matter of symbolism (having the veil over my face). it’s a matter of something i’ve always dreamed of (having a first dance in perfect harmony and romance – like fred astaire).
sometimes it’s a matter of materialism (a limo, decadent flowers, candles all aglow, formal attire). and it’s a battle between the world’s opinion of what weddings ought to be and God’s. it’s a battle between putting myself & sam on display and putting our God on display. what will it be? what’s really important? what’s really important?
and i hope hope hope that the answer will always be Jesus. [so cut out the nonessentials, mary ann, and keep focused!]
Comments (8)
Good call on the omission of favors. Wedding favors are a way of letting people know that you appreciate them coming to your wedding. In my opinion, there’s a better way to accomplish this: tell your guests that you appreciate them coming to your wedding.
yeah when I was planning my wedding, I always ask myself that question too. I think knowing how much I’m willing to spend in each category really helps because if getting X or Y exceeds my budget, that means a ‘no’. But praise God though I got everything I wanted, even the sunshine.
I believe that He really wants you to have a beautiful wedding because He’s a generous Dad and He wants you to bless you. So ask away! It doesn’t hurt to ask…hehehe…
Check out freecycle for some of the things you want. You might be surprised at what you can find or what people are willing to give.
first off, i really admire you and your willingness to give everything up to god. that is most important. second, i got married in 99 and i felt like the marriage is basically for everyone else, not for us cuz it was a lot of work for everyone else to have fun. sigh. i had a bad attitude cuz i was doing the planning from korea whereas the wedding was in princeton so i had to depend a lot on hubby’s mom and sis which is fine but very frustrating. sigh. i was like you and had to cut it down to basically basics although we were lucky and had a scottish dance band outside on the dance floor which was fun! we also had a bagpiper pipe guests back to the house. hubby is half scottish. my point is that i truly empathize with you and your planning. i am with you that you and sam should learn the box step so you two look great on your special day and you don’t worry about looking silly. in any case, i love your attitude and i am sure god will shine through with you two!!! good luck! by the way, i found you from
s1LLyAngeL408′s site.
what is the navigators?
What awesome thoughts
~Anna
hey, so i heard about the toasting glasses… it was funny cos i’d just read your blog then sam & i were on the phone… are those essential or non-essential?? saw some pho places tonight out in flushing, thought of you. you’re the only vt friend i have…and that only vicariously right now.
you’re my vicarious vietnamese friend.
If you and Sam are ever in Beijing, I would love to meet you two. I am currently in the ‘field’. I find your posts so darn encouraging. How fortunate it is to discover this “treasure” two days from beginning my 6th year in the field. God bless you!