March 27, 2006

• Losing my Identity

  
  

  I admitted to Sam yesterday that the idea of giving up my name has been causing me a bit of angst.  M.A.N. – everyone knows who that is.  But who is this M.A.K.?  MAN has a reputation as “a single Christian woman who has been an effective and influential minister for Christ for 10 years”.  But what will it mean to be Sam’s wife?  Will I lose my identity?  I never knew that I found so much of my significance from having a reputation until now! :(  

  
  

  But beyond just the name, I began to realize yesterday also that I love being single (so, single people, don’t be in such a rush!).  I love having my own time and my own space and my own freedom to do whatever I want, to serve God, to hide out in my room, to run with a new idea without checking in with anyone.  Being a wife means that I “have to” be selfless, I have to think about someone else… I can’t be an introverted island anymore.  In summation – there’s no running from sanctification!  Doh! 

  
  

  I don’t want to lose my identity!

  
  

  Oh, but what is my identity?  Is it in being single?  Is it in being a shepherd, discipler, teacher, writer –?  No, identity is in Christ and that’s permanent.  Changing my name will not change my identity.

  
  

  I was reminded yesterday of a time in my life many years ago.  From early on, I had come to recognize not only my passion but also my talent for writing.  When people praised me for my writing, my heart soared.  I gained “significance” (worth/value) from my ability to write.  So God put me on a crossroads:  either I choose to write for myself to get glory for myself or for God to get glory for Him.  I knew that to choose the first option would mean that I would not receive God’s favor, but His favor would rest on me for the second choice.  This meant I had to give up my pursuit of writing and publishing.  But I knew also that I’d become the best writer I could possibly be through God’s way of training, and He would use my offerings up to Him for His eternal purposes.  He taught me that the key to writing was not to pursue writing but to keep following and walking with Jesus - and then He’d give me something worth writing about, which would be more powerful and effective than I had ever dreamed.  Don’t focus on my writing, just keep walking with Him.  It was that simple — and now, looking back, I can testify that He was right!

  
  

  So…though I thought I was giving up my identity as a writer by giving it up to Him, going His way rather than my own way and forsaking the pursuit of being a writer – what actually happened was that, instead, I found my identity as a writer – in Him – in my pursuit of Him!  in following Him!

  
  

  We don’t lose our identity when we throw ourselves into His path, we find it.  So… perhaps the same will be true in this.

  • 3:58 pm
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