March 22, 2006
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Please Send Whoever (family & the ministry)
Imagine a home where anyone and everyone – from the lonely and needy and lost to the happy and well-adjusted ‘found’ – feel welcomed to come, drop by any time, to seek refuge or to play games, to find peace and quiet or a rousing good time and, in that comfort and safety, be able to ask all the important questions in life and ultimately being brought to all the answers in Jesus. That’s the kind of home I’ve always dreamed of having. And that’s the home Sam and I are planning on having. We want to open our home to everyone…
The question though is… wouldn’t that be tiring and exhausting? Would that have adverse effects on ‘the family’? How do you keep the doors open to others but not at the sacrifice of the family? As Sam & I have been discussing this, we are mostly concerned about how we will balance as we raise our family in another part of the world where it’s always okay for anyone to drop by. So how do we have an open-door policy and still guard our family time and not offend? –We’re still in the midst of discussing how this will work out, but today I read an enlightening book about family by Edith Schaeffer…
She defines the family as a door that has hinges and a lock – meaning that the door should be well-oiled to swing open during certain times and the lock should be firm enough to let people know that the family needs to be alone part of the time, just to be a family. If a family is to be really shared, then there needs to be something to share. Whatever we share needs time for preparation…
She used this analogy that when people come to our homes, they are hungry for bread. If we want to give them bread, then not only do we need the right ingredients, but we also need the time to blend all the ingredients together and to bake it into bread. If we don’t make the time to blend and bake, then all we’ll have to give them is flour, yeast and eggs — and that is hardly satisfying at all! In the same way, there’s a definite need to guard family time, so that there is family to share. In addition, if your door is so wide open that there is virtually no door at all to your home, then you are not protecting what’s within from the storms that blow, from thieves and from wolves. How can you be a shelter to others if you are not a shelter for yourself?
She explained the importance of setting aside at least one day a week as family time and guarding it. If others drop by and want to join, say, “I’m really sorry, but please come back another day. We promised our children that we’d take them out for the day, and we do keep our promises to children.” Saying something like this would be hard for both Sam & me because we love people and want every opportunity to minister to others. I think, also, we are very afraid of offending. But to allow outsiders to rob us of our family time would show them that there is absolutely nothing different about us — i.e. family is not that important, children are nonpersons – and so in the process, we’ve robbed them of seeing the picture of family as God designed it and, therefore, forfeited our purpose in being ambassadors for Jesus there. (Too much syncretism can sink your witness!)
In addition to that one day set aside, there should also be 1 or 2 hours of one-on-one time with each child every day – of talking, reading books and Bible, praying together – quality time. This shows your children that they are valuable to you. Including them in your ministry of hospitality is also key. Your children are not just the kids of ministers but they are kids who are ministers. Huge difference! (“Missionary’s Kids” vs. “Kids who are missionaries”) You’re all in it together. It’s not just Mom & Dad’s thing. No one is excluded from the fun.
It goes without saying that the same rules apply for having that alone time with the spouse for physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual oneness. You need time alone to obtain this oneness. Turn others away during those times you have set aside for your spouse. Guard your time.
These quality times of uniting the family and solidifying your oneness is the needed preparation time of “blending” and “baking” that will produce for you something nourishing to share with the world. And that is exactly what you want.
In the Schaeffer family, they often prayed, “Lord, please send whoever You know would be helped by spending an evening with us.” What a great prayer! Reading this helped me remember that people coming and seeking help are not burdens and interruptions but answered prayers.
Yes! We want people to come and we want to offer them our hearts, our hands and our home. So please come. Our door is open.
Comments (6)
Very nice thoughts and balance.
I’ve often dreamed about this too, but I’ve always lacked time, and a nice place for people to visit. Maybe someday that can change. 
I think that most cultures have unspoken guidelines for boundaries – like not calling or visiting after a certain time in the evening. If you schedule your private time so it coincides with the culture’s unspoken private time, then it won’t be a problem.
If you respect your family time, others will too. It will make it easier if the off-limits/family time is predictable. (ex. every Tuesday is special family together time or Saturday night is date night) If the time is predictable, then they will know that you aren’t just making excuses to avoid them and they will know in advance when you are available and when you aren’t.
I must say that being that open is a scary thought to me, as I tend to be a private person.
I especially like your view on kids.
great entry mary ann!
sometimes it’s hard to tell, Lioness, when to draw the local people draw lines as far as acceptable visiting hours. i’d say that for the most part, it’s regular — no visiting after 8:00. but then there’s always the ambiguity and unfamiliarity w/ local culture — what if someone does come after that time? i had a guy drop by our house at 10:00 and stay for 30 minutes. we let him in, as tired as we were, and eventually hinted very strongly that it was time to go. (i don’t think he quite ‘got’ the first few hints.) but then again, he’s not completely faultless (even for local culture) for coming so late.
just food for thought.
This is GREAT Mary Ann! I am scheduled to preach my first sermon ever in my preaching class in four weeks. I chose to speak on Hebrews 13:2 – “Do not neglect to show hospitality to STRANGERS, for by this, some have entertained angels without knowing it.”
I read Edith Schaeffer’s “L’Abri.” I didn’t know about this other book. Cool beans!
thanks for continuing to probe and go deep with God. it is great convo material when you share it with us, too. dude… mary ann, my friend the writer… ahhhhh i love it!