February 24, 2006

• A Writer

  Today, someone asked me how my job-hunt was going.  Instead of the embarrassed hesitation in response to that question, this time, I said, ”God’s led me in another direction.  Instead of pursuing a job, I’m pursuing my writing.”

  “I’m gonna be a writer,” is met with an eyebrow raise that can be most closely associated with the word “impractical”.  And there are half a dozen reasons why I, too, would toss my metaphorical pen and make a mad dash for the employment agency rather than make writing my sole pursuit. 

  But God.

  At the beginning of this past weekend, at the World Christian Conference, I shared with my small group that my hope was that God would give me a bit of insight about whether or not I should pursue my writing.  The thought had crossed my mind the previous Monday, but my lack of faith and another’s made it impossible to proceed forward with the idea.  But perhaps God would show me something during the conference.  Perhaps He would give me peace at least about finding a regular job.  For though I had been searching so many months, I’d had no peace about my job search.  Deep down, I had this nagging feeling like finding a job would just be settling, but I just didn’t have the courage to do otherwise.

  Sunday morning, I reflected that the conference was nearly over, but God hadn’t been speaking to me much.  I wondered if He would speak at all.  I wasn’t expecting Him to carve any writing on the wall… but I had hoped that He would give me at least a small nudge in one direction or another.  I felt resigned that there might not be any nudges or hints at all. 

  Sunday night, God had some surprises for me.  Toward the end of the plenary session, the speaker said, “…if you feel like God is telling you to write a book, then you should write it.”  I did a double-take.  Did he just say what I think he said?  There was no logical reason in the world why he should say something like that.  It was too random and too pointed to be coincidental. 

  And yet I asked, was this God?  Doubts assailed me.  Who am I that God should call me to write?  What if when it comes down to it, I can’t do it?  How is it that God is telling me to do this?  And then I wrote, “Lord, please continue to show me.”

  And He did.  Just after I wrote that statement, Pastor John Lo said, “God may be calling you to…write a book…”  My jaw dropped.  I was stunned speechless.  God was answering my request for Him to show me that it was really Him. I was starting to believe that He was trying to tell me something, but He wasn’t finished yet.

  After the plenary session ended, my friend Pam ran up to me and said, “I’ve been wanting to tell you all weekend that I think you should write!”  She wanted to tell me all weekend?  This was definitely confirmation #3.

  Twenty minutes later, a brother that I had met at this conference but with whom I had never really shared very deeply from my life came up to me and said that he felt like God was telling him to tell me to write.  Confirmation #4.

  Where God guides, He provides.  With such rapid-fire succession of confirmations, I have no doubt that He is directing me to pursue my writing in this next season of my life.  The biggest question I have is about my finances. I’m not sure how it will work out, though I know it will.  For now, I’m just walking by faith…

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