March 25, 2005
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it’s about 12:15 am and i’m still packing. maybe a part of me is delaying this process as much as possible because i know if the weekend comes then the weekend will go and i’m not sure i’m ready for that. this will be the first time i go home without having plane tickets booked for the next time. the first time i go home without a “next” roadtrip planned. i’m out of vacation hours and well, isn’t this the cost of discipleship? i’ll only be with my family for one day, really. i’m scared to death that i will fall to pieces when i say goodbye and leave home sunday morning. [deep breath] but maybe it won’t be so bad because i’ll be leaving really early in the morning to worship at mt. soledad. celebrating the day Jesus rose again. that was when life began for me. and that is why i continue to live and breathe. with hope and meaning and purpose. this is just a little death. Jesus died a real awful death. so that not only would i have life but my parents too and all the people all the world over. so that’s why i’m up in norcal and not in socal where i left my heart. because i believe my redeemer lives and i believe that redemption wasn’t just for me. lord jesus, help me look at the same joy you looked at when you endured the cross. always to put your joy before me even as real sorrow fills my eyes with the kind of real emotion that you gave to real persons. it’s what makes me human. and even that you will redeem. thank you, jesus. i love you.
