February 15, 2005
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in honor of valentine’s day (yeah, one day late)
Reasons why I’m glad I’m not with someone:
1. When I’m tired, I can just go home from work and sleep.
2. I don’t have to worry about the other person, period.
3. No need to shell out extra money for stuff that will burn.
4. I don’t have to go home early from ministry engagements, gatherings, etc. because there’s no one there waiting for me.
5. I can stay up late with sisters laughing, chatting and praying.
6. I can run off on short term missions and do one-on-one discipleships without consulting anyone.
7. I can start up new ministries without considering & coordinating with another individual.
8. I get to spend all my holidays with my family.
Reasons why it’d be nice to be with someone:
1. No one to “hide” with when feeling awkward at a social gatherings (I noticed that couples just hide out and don’t reach out to others by just clinging to each other).
2. No one to worry about me & make sure everything is going “ok”. Not a sense that someone is always praying for me. And no one for me to always worry about and pray for.
3. No one to cook special dinners for.
4. No one is waiting for me at home. No one for me to wait for.
5. No sense of being always in partnership, completing a task, vision, dream with someone.
6. No one to share all of life with – all the little trivial things. “Every-day” friend.
7. No assurance of a lifetime companionship. (Friends eventually disappear because they’re called elsewhere or get married, but a spouse is in it for life.)
8. No extra family to love and care for.
Observations:
- I noticed that all the reasons why I’m glad I’m single are selfish.
- I think all the reasons why it’d be nice to be in a relationship can be “fixed” by being in a tight community.
What do you think? What else would you add? There’s definitely pros and cons to both. I’ve just gotta enjoy this season of singleness as best I can while it lasts.
Comments (4)
haha…thanks for giving me eprops on my xanga! I agree with your observations, but I don’t think all the reasons why you’re glad to be single are selfish. I think it’s just true that you’ll have a lot more freedom if you are not with someone. You don’t have to incorprate his/her life into yours. I don’t think they are selfish reasons! hehehe…:) well, it’s not like you chose not to be with someone so you can do whatever you want.
God bless us in other ways when we are not with someone…in other words, there’s a price to pay when you are with someone. And yes, I agree with you 100% on your second observation! That’s how I felt when I was in college. Who needs one friend when you can have a ton? hahaha…unfortunately, a tight community is hard to develop. 
So i suppose being in a relationship is a solution to not have a tight community? dunno.
I agree, I don’t think the reasons for being glad that you are single are all selfish. It seems rather that you are more free to serve God and others. (Tho #3 might not change depending on who you are with.)
I’m not sure couplehood is a very complete solution to an absence of “tight” community. Something I’ve been thinking about (esp. wrt your writings about desiring to be in a relationship): Tim Keller, one of the lead pastors at Redeemer Presbyterian in NYC, said that before the Fall, Adam was lonely in the garden not because he was imperfect, but because he was perfect. Longing for relationships is a sign of perfection, not weakness.
I think tight communities are much more rare and difficult to develop than relationships, especially tight communities that honor God.
Maybe selfishness is part of it, maybe independence is the better part of it though. Yet amidst the independence is the kernel of a team spirit. Maybe you can be teamed up with a community…but until the community gets distilled into a family (husband & kids) there will always be that notion that relationships could be closer. But like Paul wrote, there’s benefit in singleness & marriage both.