December 2, 2004

• Distance from God

  
  

  Been feeling a lot of distance from God lately.  I mean.  It hasn’t been this bad.  Ever?  Yeah, probably not.  Though I’m prone to exaggeration.  It’s a feeling.  But I just don’t like praying or reading the Bible or being with Him.  I’d rather watch a movie.  And I feel pretty darn empty, listless, bored, dissatisfied.  It’s a sucky, yucky feeling.

  
  

  When I’m here, I always ask myself these questions:

  
  

  1.  Am I harboring any unconfessed sins?  Am I living in sin?  What is it/are they?
  2.  Am I spending quality time with God?  Meditating on His Word?  Pouring out my heart?  Waiting to listen to His heart?
  3.  Am I being obedient to His commands and desires?  Serving Him and loving others?

  
  

  Those have always been good check-up questions.

  
  

  Answers of the moment:
  1.  I can only think of selfishness.  What else, God?  Search me and reveal to me.
  2.  No, I’m not.  But I’m so distracted I haven’t been wanting to.  Lord, please give me a desire for you.
  3.  General obedience, yes.  But really serving Him?  Not really.  It’s hard when I’m not experiencing Him.  Please show me what to do, Lord.

  
  

  So I’ve decided that one way to nip the problem in the bud is to try living a scheduled life.  Though everything in me deplores the thought!  But it’s worth a shot.  I think my biggest problem is not spending quality time with Him.  So the purpose of the schedule is to make time for God.  So I’m supposed to be in bed by 10:30 pm and wake up at 6:30 am.  Everyone, wish me luck.  Or more like, please pray for me!  I’ll tell you how the experiment goes.

  • 12:05 am
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