May 6, 2004
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Realizations
1. Ever since I was a little kid, I had always dreamed of being white. I think it was because I read so many books, and in all those books, the people were white. It seemed so lovely to be white. And, strangely, for the longest time, I thought that one day, I would grow up and be white! I think it was only 2 years ago that I realized that this wouldn't happen. I would never grow up and be a fair-skinned, blond-haired, blue-eyed bride wearing a white dress. Ha! How ridiculous a thought!
Anyway, this weekend I was hit with an overwhelming sense of happiness that I am not white, and even that I am not simply some kind of generic "Asian", but that I am very specifically Vietnamese. I'm so thankful that I have this language, this heritage, this culture. It really means a great deal to me that I am Vietnamese!
2. Ever since I became a Christian, I have always been envious of kids who got to grow up in a Christian family. I felt it so unfair that they could grow up with the Truth as a part of their worldview, that they had parents that would pray for and with them, that they always knew about Jesus! Not fair when I had to go on such a mad search in order to find Him and learn about God's interventions on mankind and His sweet promises from scratch.
But this weekend, I was hit with the realization of how glad I am to have a past. Jesus said that he who has been forgiven much loves much. Now it's not that my sins are worse than your sins, or that a person is better off if they've sinned a lot, but a person is better off when he/she realizes the grossness of his/her sins. We are deeply depraved and we desperately need a Savior. Because I have a past, I guess I grasp that reality a lot easier. I'm a sinner desperately in need of a Savior and I stand in breathless awe of the one who chose to rescue me from my awful self. Because I know it's true, I'm willing to do anything for Him.
Comments (1)
I used to envy people like you who had a past because I grew up in a Xtian home and became a Xtian when I was 5. I wasn't sure if I could identify with "regular" people. But as the years have rolled on it has become apparent that I do have a past that needs to be redeemed and at the same time I hold a deep belief that those "protected" years have some purpose.
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