April 18, 2004

• Out of the Waiting Room - I got the job!

  I've been waiting a long time to write this entry.  The entry where I can finally say that I'm walking out of the waiting room.  The one that says I'm starting a new chapter in my life; the one that says, "It's my turn now;" the one that says I'm leaving  San Diego... 

  to serve God full-time; to work for a missions agency; to take a risk, a step of faith; to walk into the unknown - unknown by me but not by God...

  Life-change, a desire realized, a dream being put to flesh.  From the days wandering around UCSD campus trying to be obedient to all the small things; dreaming all kinds of lofty dreams; running wild, loose and free; rebellious; passionate; persevering; determined, knowing with full-heart what the most important thing to God in the world was and wanting to go forth for Him, and yet all the while so absolutely clueless... finally, an assignment at last!

  For the first time in my life, I won't be driving distance from my parents, my youth, my memories.   Twenty circle of friends won't be in reach, and I'm the one who will leave others behind.  When people come "home," I won't be there.  I will have to take a plane ride to go home for the holidays.  All my worlds won't collide, completely overlap or combine.  I won't be small-town anymore.  My world is going to expand just a little bit more.  This is sorta bittersweet.

  And what will I do away from the most important people to me in the world?  How strange to leave a place I've called home for over twenty years.  It's a good thing I'm not going for some small-time reason -- no, it's not simply for a job; it's not to escape; it's not to look for adventure or pleasure somewhere 'cause I couldn't find it here; it's not for a change of scenery; it's not for a guy, a love or romance; it's not for anything so trivial, fleeting or temporal.  If it was, my "purpose" would quickly reach a dread-end.  And I'd have nothing.

  It's for God that I go.  For God, I will go to the ends of the earth and back.  With Him there's no end to the possibilities, the dreams, the resources, the results, the joy, the hope.  And this - this small step - which seems like such a big step - is really only the beginning...

  • 1:29 pm
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