April 14, 2004

  • Movie Marathons and Barq's Root Beer.


    Something has definitely changed.  Yesterday I was reminded that the days of paralyzing burnout with movie marathons and drinking Barq's Rootbeer are over. 


    I'm talking about last fall when the thought of ministry filled me with dread and suffocation.  And all I could handle everyday was to sit and do nothing.  Calling up friends seemed like a dreadful obligation.  Committing to anything seemed like putting on prison chains.  Loving others seemed like something I should do and wanted to do, but for the life of me, I could not do it.  Spending time with people even for a short amount of time wore me to shreds.  So all I did was indulge in wastefulness.  I felt so gross everytime I finished watching 3 movies in a row and finished a can of Barq's (which, by the way, is the best rootbeer ever!).  But seriously, I needed it.


    I couldn't see my way out of it, and I didn't think I'd ever be whole and healthy again.


    But today.  Today it's like there's not a trace of it.  Well, aside from being a whole lot more humble about everything.  Which is exactly what God promised me last year when I had my emotional breakdown.  Isaiah 38:15-17, "But what can I say?  He has spoken to me, and He Himself has done this.  I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul....You restored me to health and let me live.  Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.  In your love You kept me from the pit of destruction..."  I have the date 2/18/03 written by these words in my  Bible.  At that time, it was a hope I clinged to, but I didn't know it'd be true.  But it came true.  Just as God's promises always do.


    Last night, I went on campus and spent time with some pretty wonderful Navigator sisters.  It was perfect.  The way a small group, a fellowship, should be.  I am more humbled because I'm not going in with an agenda.  I'm not going to "lead this small group" with a grand vision or plan.  I'm just there to learn and grow with them as we seek God together.  It seems like such a privilege to get to fellowship with these college girls, these leaders, these women-in-the-making... 


    It is so good to be alive!

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