November 17, 2003
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My cousin asked me, after my sister’s “engagement” ceremony ended yesterday, if this makes me want to be next. I said. No. My sister’s being married doesn’t make me want to be next. But what made me intensely aware of my desire for a companion was being there among my relatives and having to “fight” for Jesus alone. I felt very alone and lonely for a best friend, one in heart and one in mind to love my relatives with Christ’s love. I need someone to walk with me in this. How they need Jesus!
My sister is a believer and she wants them to know Jesus too – but she has a husband now and she lives in LA!
Yesterday, it seemed that God was perhaps leading me to my next assignment: loving my relatives. (I’ve never made a very proactive effort in being a witness to them.) It overwhelmed me just to think of it (I have a LOT of relatives, who have “complicated” lives).
But I realized this morning that the overwhelmed feeling came because I was putting all the responsibility on myself – as if I were the Messiah. (So easy to do that sometimes when you feel “alone.”) I have limitations and I recognize that. This just means that God Almighty must be the one to minister to my relatives, and not me. And He will too. I just need to believe and throw myself into Him.
