July 12, 2003

  • What's the deal with the new car?


    The other week, someone made some muffled comment about the psychotic-seeming decision I made 4 months ago of buying a brand new car - just right before I quit my job.  I felt judged. 


    As I've been working out my budget and chosen to give to God more than I have ever before - even in this strange less-income stage - I've had the bursts of moments of wanting to kick myself.  Didn't I shoot myself in the foot by buying this car?  Though I needed another car (my Sentra was sputtering it's last breath), I didn't have to buy a brand new one...  Money wouldn't be so tight if I hadn't done it.  "Giving" wouldn't be such a SACRIFICE.


    Ah.  But then I remembered.  I remembered that the reason I bought the car was because I was accumulating wealth in my bank account and coming to a point of finding my security in the amount of money I had.  I had no worries.  But I didn't want that.  I want to be trusting in God for my security.  So... as illogical and crazy as it might seem, I decided to buy a new car to liquidate my savings... thus, putting myself in this position of dependence on God.


    It has been a double blessing.  The car runs so smoothly; I've not had that constant oppressive cloud over my head of worrying about it breaking down.  And with the tight budget, I'm beginning to learn the joy of giving when it is a sacrifice.  Seriously, there is nothing like it.


    Today as I was going into Lucky Seafood Market, I saw a homeless man sitting in front of the store begging for money.  I looked straight into his eyes and smiled before I walked into the store.  I was so excited!  This was the first homeless man run-in since I got back from LA.  I bought him a Vietnamese sandwhich and was thanking God all the way for giving me the opportunity to give.  It was such a thrill.  


    It's funny.  That it was a sacrifice made the giving all the more sweeter.