November 2, 2009
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Lack of Words
Some people have a loss of words – some of the time. For me, it’s more like a lack of words – most of the time. It hasn’t always been like this, but it has been in recent times. To quote a friend – my life seems like a string of awkward moments. Conversations with acquaintances are often stilted and full of pauses, with silent ums, more pauses and then something rather pedestrian spat out. The awkward moments in my life seem to be piling up very high and make me bow my head in shame. How often do I review those moments and think of things I could’ve said to generate better conversation which result in deeper meaning, instead of dead-end questions or answers which fall flat with a splat on the cold, hard floor. And how many times have I bookmarked questions to ask in the next encounter only to find myself in that later encounter, blanking out and in the middle of another awkward conversation. So many awkward moments with a lack of words has left me so disheartened. It’s not just that I feel embarrassed by those vapid conversations. It’s that my heart longs for deep and meaningful moments with people. Who wants a life filled with polite, meaningless exchanges? I don’t think anybody does really. But how do I get beyond those awkward moments?
Comments (4)
REALLY? I am surprised.
Is this a personality thing? Are you the kind of person who communicates better after a moment to collect her thoughts? Do you strive to be understood? Explain further if you don’t mind.
@licoreen - I think I’m just really bad at small talk. But without small talk, the only other option is deep talk, but not everyone is ready for that and nor is it always appropriate. You kinda have to work up to it, I guess. But more than that, as I think about your question, I realize that I’m not really ready for deep convos either. Perhaps I have so many awk moments bc I’m afraid to engage deeply with others bc I fear that I don’t have anything ‘deep’ to say. I’m in hiding bc my relationship with God is distant, rather than intimate. And I know that nothing profound can or will come out of my mouth without the Spirit.
@searchingfortreasures - Small talk is a skill that suits certain personalities… like mine. People often say that I am good at small talk, although most of the time, I feel like I am being superficial and unnecessarily chatty. I just chatter away because I fear anybody thinking that I am socially inept.
As for hiding because you don’t have anything profound to say, maybe YOU are the one who is like Elizabeth Bennett, not me. Do you feel that people depend on you or have an expectation of you that you will breath depth and wisdom?
My brother often says, “Hey, they’re not all winners,” whenever he says something that was intended to be funny or profound but wasn’t.
I’ve thought the same thing! I think it might be related to being introverted, but I’ve also realized that it’s easier to make small talk with some people than others, and that making small talk is something you can learn how to do better (Though it might not ever come naturally). Just don’t beat yourself up about it! God knows that we were made to be connected to others, and He will provide that no matter what.