June 12, 2009
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Some people love pregnancy, some people don’t
The problem with Job’s friends, as we all know, is not that they didn’t care about Job but that they approached it all wrong. Poor Job had lost everything he had – his oxen, his sheep, his camels, all his sons and daughters and his good health. I mean, the poor man was afflicted with so many painful sores all over his body that he was even unrecognizable to his friends (in addition to his financial ruin and emotional heartbreak)! And how did his friends try to encourage him? They lectured him, gave him advice, told him all the things he should’ve done better. I guess I can’t really blame them, really. When bad things happen to someone you care about, you want to help them feel better, and most of the times, you’re not really sure how.
In the last few weeks since I found out that I have gestational diabetes, I have been feeling pretty down. My pregnancy had already been so difficult the first two trimesters, I couldn’t imagine it getting harder. But it has. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “I hate being pregnant” the last few days or cried or just felt plain discouraged. With gestational diabetes, you have to follow a strict schedule.
If you follow the diet, you’re not supposed to be hungry, but to be honest, I’m always hungry still and feeling sick, which makes me not want to go for a walk but I have to go for a walk after every meal or my blood sugar level will be too high.
An hour after I eat, I have to test my blood sugar level and record it. There’s now a long list of foods I cannot eat like rice, noodles, all desserts, french fries, pizza, etc. I have to limit my intake of fruit (if you had a choice between a fruit or a slice of whole wheat bread while you’re feeling hungry, what would you choose?) And though I’ve been following the meal plan, I’m often getting high glucose readings. The consequence of not getting my blood sugar level under control is that the baby will receive more glucose than s/he should and can get really big (too big). Worse case scenario: baby outgrows placenta, c-section needed and baby’s chances of getting diabetes and obesity increase.
Some people love pregnancy, and some people don’t. I am a part of the latter group. It’s been hard. Not every pregnancy is this hard, but this one has been. And I am learning what words encourage someone who is down and what words do not. It’s encouraging when someone just says, “I’m sorry it’s been hard.” It’s not encouraging when someone says, “it’s going to be fine in the end”, “don’t worry, it’ll be over soon”, “it’ll be worth it” or give a slew of advice. Who wants Job’s friends? Romans 8:28 platitudes just seems to belittle the pain. Acknowledge my pain, don’t minimize it. Unless you have walked in that person’s shoes (and actually, even if you have), don’t give them advice or tell them how they will forget it all once it’s over. Don’t tell them it’s not a big deal. I think the greatest comfort that Job’s friends gave him was just sitting next to him without saying a word for seven days and seven nights. Wouldn’t you agree?
Comments (4)
agree with you 100%. I just talked to my mom today and she confirmed that she had an extremely difficult pregnancies with me & my sis (esp with me). She said that she felt nauseous and threw up constantly until the day I was born. She couldn’t eat anything – so bad that she went into the hospital because she was so malnourished. She definitely belongs to the latter group.
i completely agree with you. i haven’t been pregnant before but have had other trials & sufferings & completely agree that all one wants to feel is that their emotions & thoughts are acknowledged and not dismissed. no advice. no, “it’ll all get better.” just acknowledging where you’re at & how you feel & just being in agreement with where you’re at.
i think going through this helps us to remember to be that way to other people when they are suffering… and not be like Job’s friends. it’s so easy to be like Job’s friends. that’s what everyone does. but God calls us to maturity and to mourn with those who mourn.
Thanks for sharing. I agree. Sometimes we want advice and sometimes all we want is a listening ear, a hug and/or help to keep our mind off of it depending on what we’re going through and how we’re feeling. It sucks to hear that you’re having difficulty beyond the 1st trimester. I’ve heard others having very difficult pregnancies too. Hopefully what I heard will apply for you: it’s either a difficult pregnancy, labor or raising a newborn…not all 3. Prayers for your health and strength!
@cokie220 - I hope that’s true — but it’s hard to imagine, after having such a difficult pregnancy, that anything will be easier (i.e. labor).
I don’t think I ever want advice when I’m expressing to someone how I FEEL…I think the only time I want advice is when I ask for it specifically.