May 11, 2009

• Boy or Girl?

  I had another encounter this weekend with someone who asked me whether or not it was driving me crazy that I didn’t know the gender of our baby.  My answer?  No, not at all.  I think most first-time parents are driven to find out, mainly, to have one aspect about parenting not-as-much of a mystery so that they can at least plan for and ‘control’ for that much of this crazy new venture of parenthood.  That really was how I felt when we were preparing to be foster parents this time last year.  I wanted to know whether we would have a boy or girl just so I could get the clothes all ready.  But the reality is that other than clothes, there’s really nothing else that we need to prepare for gender-wise.  It would be financial suicide (for poor people like us especially) to buy gender-specific carseats, strollers, bedding, and room decor, because if we ever had a #2 who was a different gender, we’d have to purchase everything anew — and that’s just not good stewardship of God’s money to us.

  Aside from all this, I think it’s fun having gender be a mystery.  All those moments when Sam says to the baby, “Are you a boy or a girl?” would be lost otherwise.  It’s fun to wait with expectation and wonderment:  What’s our baby going to look like?  What’s his/her name going to be?  Is it a boy or girl?  It’s like when Sam is going to give me a gift, I hate it when I spoil the surprise by accidentally discovering that something is coming.  I’d rather be totally surprised when he hands me the gift.  It’s more fun that way.  In the same way, I just want this gift to be a full realization all at once.  (Plus, the surprise factor will be more incentive during labor.)

  And for us, it really doesn’t matter whether we have a boy or girl.  We’re not driven by any traditional desires of having a boy carry on the family name.  We believe there are better ways to be “immortal”, and that comes through passing on a good, godly legacy.  We want to focus on teaching Christlike values and having our child ‘carry on’ our greater traits and characteristics – and discard all our weak ones.  Plus, both a boy and girl can carry on the family name if they so choose.  Neither have to drop or change it when they marry if they don’t want to.

  So boy or girl, we will love either equally the same.  We believe that there isn’t a broad generalization nor stereotype that must be prescribed to a boy because he’s a boy or a girl because she’s a girl.  We’ll just let our child be who s/he is and not force gender roles or stereotypes on our child.  We will give our child every chance and opportunity to do anything s/he wishes.  If our little girl wants to play with cars, then I say so be it.  If our little boy wants to play at ‘cooking’, then so be it!  We’ll encourage our little girl to play with blocks and legos, be active, do sports, etc.  We will rein in our little boy just as we would our little girl if he’s being too rambunctious, and we will not let any undiscipline slide with a flippant “boys will be boys.”  No, a boy will not get excused from the kitchen or house chores simply because he’s a boy.  He will have the same kinds of responsibilities, love and nurture as a girl would in our household. 

  So then it doesn’t matter to us – whether boy or girl.  Either will be our dear little gift from our Heavenly Father, whom we will lavish with the love and affection that we learned from Him.  Boy or girl, can’t wait to meet our little one!

  • 2:16 pm
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