May 29, 2009
-
An Inclusive Name
Did you know there was a man in biblical times who took his wife’s family name? In the verse Nehemiah 7:63, a man is mentioned named Barzillai, who had married a woman who was a descendant of Barzillai of Gilead and had taken her family name (which is why he was called Barzillai). (Read it in the New Living Translation). He changed his name to hers! When my friend Corrie first mentioned this, I thought she was kidding. Isn’t it practically biblical for a woman to take her husband’s name when she gets married? The answer, surprisingly, is no!! It’s western tradition, but it’s not biblical.
When we first got married, Sam and I really wrestled with the name change (I even blogged about it). We wanted to be able to represent the uniqueness and individuality which God gave to us both while also representing the oneness. But how would we do this? How could we represent both of our identities, both of our ethnicities and both of our backgrounds? He didn’t want me to give up my name. I didn’t want him to give up his name. But practically speaking, it seemed much better to have the same last name.
We brainstormed all kinds of options — a lot of which were given to us from those who commented on my blog entry about the name change. We could both take one’s name as a middle and the other as a last. We could choose an entirely new name. Or we could hyphenate. The ideas were endless. The two of us had become one. We were creating a new family together, so it made sense that we were also making a name that would represent “us”.
Most people (Christians, mainly) don’t really think twice about having the woman change her name. And if Sam was a lesser man, he might set his manhood on a need to brand me with his name. However, his determination in our having an “inclusive name” (he coined that phrase) despite the challenges and difficulties of changing his name (with the California legal system) and whatever flak he may incur from traditionalists has augmented my admiration of him as a man. Through this journey, I have learned that he is unflappable in his purpose when he is certain about a course of action, he is confident in who he is as one who answers only to God and not anyone else, and he is secure in his manhood. He has made me adore him even more so than ever, and I am so proud to share a name with him.
This past week, he and I both officially changed our name. We both added the other’s surname to our own to make an inclusive name (someone else would call it ‘hyphenated’), and we couldn’t be happier about it!
Here’s Sam’s entry about it.
