March 24, 2009

• Wounds

  So many thoughts whirring in my mind and pressing on my heart…

  At church last night, I was touched by P. Jamie’s sermon.  The question posed in the end was about fear.  Is there fear holding me back from serving the Lord?  The answer was a resounding yes.  Fear of failure, fear of faithlessness, fear of burnout.  These seem to be the chains that continue to hold me down — no, strangle me — all of which stem from wounds that just need desperately to be healed.  These are old wounds that keep splitting open again just when I think I’ve been restored to full health again. 

  The fear of drowning in the ministry of soul care and not being able to persevere with faithfulness is all mixed up with another deep wound that also seems to be immune to every type of balm.  In the last few years, I have lost a few loved ones to the grave’s insatiable hunger, and though sorrow falls heavy with each passing, none has hit me as hard as the first.  And I wonder if anyone ever recovers fully from a loss such as this?  Can a wound such as this ever heal?  The answer for the whys only responds to my mind but never quite reaches my heart.  And the question that continues to hang over me is whether I will ever have the capacity to love again as I did before that loss.   

  The theme song these days truly has been, “Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed …please BE revealed.”

  • 2:49 am
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